I'm reminded this morning, that giving birth is a long, hard, bloody job. God's timing is perfect, and just like in the birth of a child, there is the period of growth, waiting and preparation. In our lives as believers, there is growth, waiting and preparation also. Is birth easy? NO! Is it painful? YES! Is it worth it? Yes, Yes and Amen! I haven't been writing here, because I think the pain, fatigue, and effort caught me off guard, and it confused me. A good friend of mine, said, after I whined to her one day, "did you think this was going to be easy?!"
I guess I must have....otherwise why am I so shocked to find myself after 4 months, not passionate, on fire and ready to go, but tired, unsure, and wondering if I made the right choice, and thinking I can't do this....and even as I write I'm getting a revelation! I'm in transition! I'm in my last stage of "labor"! I've had several people say that to me, but transition just translated in my brain as "change." Ok...this changes some things. I have to focus on cooperating with God as we birth this new thing. I still have to rest...but not from my "spiritual labor". I want to cooperate with the Lord and get this done! Just gotta remember to breathe.....
Monday, November 1, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Offenses against God
Last night, I set my heart to ask the Lord what "strongholds" I had left. (fortified areas of thought, that exalts itself above the knowledge of God) I had begun to be aware that I had many. We had worshipped and been prayed for some and went to our seats to rest and wait on the Lord. Wes began calling out something about healing, and the Lord instantly reminded me of Kenna. I had just been talking to Gwen earlier in the day because I was struggling with the IHOP practice of asking for healing for everyone. I just didn't have the faith for it. My argument always was that we live in a fallen world, with the all the effects of that, and that our bodies are wasting away from the time we are born. When I pray for healing, I feel no real faith attached and that bothered me. It made me just not want to pray for people.
I'm sitting there letting the Holy Spirit take me through the times I prayed for healing, really believing, and the loved one's that died. Kenna primarily, her baby, a friend with cancer, my mom's pastor....and He revealed that I was offended at God. I had asked, with faith, and He didn't show up. Just Kenna dying, so young, with no real joy in life was a huge offense. I'm not sure if I've made inner vows or not about this. I can't remember saying anything like, "I will never pray for healing again", but I'm not sure...sometimes our thoughts and the intents of our hearts are so hidden. (God takes vows very seriously, and we can really cause a logjam in our spirits with them. They need to be repented of and renounced. For me, it caused a huge area of unbelief and cynicism for healing)
But last night, my heart broke for my accusation against God, the unjustness of that, and I just began weeping and weeping, repenting. He is so good, and His thoughts are so much higher than my thoughts, His ways higher than mine. It's really ridiculous that we do this, but it's a lack of understanding of His love and His passion for His people that leads us to make wrong conclusions, when hard things happen that we can't understand. I still don't understand, but I know Jesus, and He is trustworthy. He's proved His love.
I'm sitting there letting the Holy Spirit take me through the times I prayed for healing, really believing, and the loved one's that died. Kenna primarily, her baby, a friend with cancer, my mom's pastor....and He revealed that I was offended at God. I had asked, with faith, and He didn't show up. Just Kenna dying, so young, with no real joy in life was a huge offense. I'm not sure if I've made inner vows or not about this. I can't remember saying anything like, "I will never pray for healing again", but I'm not sure...sometimes our thoughts and the intents of our hearts are so hidden. (God takes vows very seriously, and we can really cause a logjam in our spirits with them. They need to be repented of and renounced. For me, it caused a huge area of unbelief and cynicism for healing)
But last night, my heart broke for my accusation against God, the unjustness of that, and I just began weeping and weeping, repenting. He is so good, and His thoughts are so much higher than my thoughts, His ways higher than mine. It's really ridiculous that we do this, but it's a lack of understanding of His love and His passion for His people that leads us to make wrong conclusions, when hard things happen that we can't understand. I still don't understand, but I know Jesus, and He is trustworthy. He's proved His love.
Friday, July 16, 2010
From my notes on the Elders..
One of the most interesting, yet remarkably overlooked facts concerning the 24 Elders, is that the most powerful and highest ranking men in authority, within the heavenly government of Almighty God, they spend the strength of their energies beholding the Person of God (Rev.4:4; 5:5-6; 7:11; 14:3) thus increasing in the revelation of the knowledge of God unto worship (Rev. 4:10; 5:8-10; 14; 11:16-17; 19:4) intercession (Rev.5:8-10) and proclamation( Rev. 4:11; 5:4-5; 8-10; 7:13-17; 11:16-18; for the advancement of His Kingdom (Listed 12 times, Rev.4:4; 10; 5:5,6,8,11,14; 7:11,13; 11:16; 14:3; 19:4; This Kingdom model was given to OT and NT communities ( Ex. 18:13-26; Acts 6:1-7; 13:1-3
One Thing Leadership
Today, we were studying in Revelation where we see the activity of the 24 Elders.
It helps to really ponder in your heart the reality of heaven. That right now, there is worship going on around the throne, Jesus is interceding for us, that the Cherubim and Seraphim are gazing at the Glory of God crying Holy! Holy! Holy! That there are legions of Angels engaged in the worship going on right now....I have been meditating on this and had an experience in the Lord the other night.
During out time of worship, I was down on the floor with hundreds of people. Hardly anyone stays in their seats here, most just go forward to the front. It's just a great bit party!
So we are worshipping, and I have my eye's closed. I have a sudden realization...not really a feeling but a knowing, that we are in the throne room. I open my eye's....the room is still there, but when I shut them, I'm immediately back in the throne room. I realize that this is what it means to be "seated in heavenly places with Christ." I become aware of the throne...it's not a completely clear vision...hazy a bit, like maybe my eye's are unable to see into this realm well yet. I see Jesus feet, and begin to look up towards the throne. At one point everyone in heaven was joined in our worship but now, heaven is silent as the Lord enjoys our offering of worship and love to Him. The feeling was that He wanted all of heaven to hear us and enjoy what He was enjoying. He pointed at me leaning to speak to someone. At first, I didn't believe He was pointing at me, then when I realized He was, I broke down weeping. At that moment, just to be seen by Him, was enough to cause my heart to never want to leave there. I remember the feeling of panic as we began to descend from that room. I never wanted to leave. I begged the Lord to let me stay. He held His hand up as if to say, 'not yet.'
Imagination? I questioned the experience myself. But I do know the loss I felt was real. The joy inexplicable of His glance was real. My heart burning within me was real.
I began asking the Lord last year for a vision of heaven. I knew that if I could see what was happening there, I would understand the superiority of the pleasures of God, and that the earthly pleasures that we slave for would look like the trash they are. Count it all as dung, the word says.
I digress from the original intent of this post, off on a bunny trail....
The Elders.....their example of how God administrates His kingdom....we find them sitting on thrones around God. This speaks of rest in God's presence. I can't personally see sitting in the presence of God...seems like you would just have to be on your face, but the Elders are sitting. Then at various times, they worship and give thanks, interceding, declare what they see, and throw themselves on their faces. This is our model of leadership. Resting in the presence of God, worshipping, and giving thanks, interceding for what's on His heart, able to hear that because we have spent time at His feet, declaring what we have seen and throwing ourselves on our face before His throne in thanksgiving and humility. If we were to do this faithfully, our days would be ordered by the Lord and we would see His glory come into our lives, our work, especially our works for the Lord. I don't know who these Elders are, the bible doesn't say, but they are the highest rank, if you will, of human beings in God's kingdom. Look to the Father's....see their example. On earth..as it is in heaven!
It helps to really ponder in your heart the reality of heaven. That right now, there is worship going on around the throne, Jesus is interceding for us, that the Cherubim and Seraphim are gazing at the Glory of God crying Holy! Holy! Holy! That there are legions of Angels engaged in the worship going on right now....I have been meditating on this and had an experience in the Lord the other night.
During out time of worship, I was down on the floor with hundreds of people. Hardly anyone stays in their seats here, most just go forward to the front. It's just a great bit party!
So we are worshipping, and I have my eye's closed. I have a sudden realization...not really a feeling but a knowing, that we are in the throne room. I open my eye's....the room is still there, but when I shut them, I'm immediately back in the throne room. I realize that this is what it means to be "seated in heavenly places with Christ." I become aware of the throne...it's not a completely clear vision...hazy a bit, like maybe my eye's are unable to see into this realm well yet. I see Jesus feet, and begin to look up towards the throne. At one point everyone in heaven was joined in our worship but now, heaven is silent as the Lord enjoys our offering of worship and love to Him. The feeling was that He wanted all of heaven to hear us and enjoy what He was enjoying. He pointed at me leaning to speak to someone. At first, I didn't believe He was pointing at me, then when I realized He was, I broke down weeping. At that moment, just to be seen by Him, was enough to cause my heart to never want to leave there. I remember the feeling of panic as we began to descend from that room. I never wanted to leave. I begged the Lord to let me stay. He held His hand up as if to say, 'not yet.'
Imagination? I questioned the experience myself. But I do know the loss I felt was real. The joy inexplicable of His glance was real. My heart burning within me was real.
I began asking the Lord last year for a vision of heaven. I knew that if I could see what was happening there, I would understand the superiority of the pleasures of God, and that the earthly pleasures that we slave for would look like the trash they are. Count it all as dung, the word says.
I digress from the original intent of this post, off on a bunny trail....
The Elders.....their example of how God administrates His kingdom....we find them sitting on thrones around God. This speaks of rest in God's presence. I can't personally see sitting in the presence of God...seems like you would just have to be on your face, but the Elders are sitting. Then at various times, they worship and give thanks, interceding, declare what they see, and throw themselves on their faces. This is our model of leadership. Resting in the presence of God, worshipping, and giving thanks, interceding for what's on His heart, able to hear that because we have spent time at His feet, declaring what we have seen and throwing ourselves on our face before His throne in thanksgiving and humility. If we were to do this faithfully, our days would be ordered by the Lord and we would see His glory come into our lives, our work, especially our works for the Lord. I don't know who these Elders are, the bible doesn't say, but they are the highest rank, if you will, of human beings in God's kingdom. Look to the Father's....see their example. On earth..as it is in heaven!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Just as promised.....
Had my first evening working as a Ministry Captain at the Awakening meetings. We are designated safe people to pray with and seek ministry from. In a church of intercessors, everyone prays for everyone, but the leaders are very serious, and diligent about making sure everyone is safe, and receiving God honoring help, so we not only minster, but watch over other's and look for unusual or questionable behaviors. In any move of God, you will see extreme's as people learn and grow in it, and it's stewarded by the leaders. I am so impressed with the level of integrity and accountability here, without shutting down the Holy Spirit and everyone else along with it, taking their baby steps to move with Him. I thought I would be nervous, but was ok. I ended up having only 3 people in the course of 3 hours! (there are hundreds in the room!) Each one needed extended ministry and support. I thought at first, Lord...why are you chucking me in at the deep end...couldn't you give me somebody with a headache or something??? But it was all good, and built up my faith, as I received encouragement from one of the veteran's on base. She had known the women I was ministering to, and some of her history and said I was "spot on" (she's British). So my confidence in God showing up, as promised, was increased, and more fear drained away. It's really a trust issue, as we can do nothing on our own, just as Jesus told us. It's knowing your Father, and seeking Him constantly as you love on one of His people. And He's delighted to show up and love on them through you. What a good, good Father we have!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
LIFE
Today, we went to the main medical surgical abortion clinic in Kansas City to stage a LIFE Siege. (Bound4Life.org) To my shame, I've never engaged in abortion protest. In fact, I've always felt a little angry at the church, because unless we put our money where our mouth is, and work to create a culture of adoption within our own ranks and take these babies, I felt it was hypocritical. Well...there is some truth to that, but it doesn't take away the fact that abortion is legalized murder, that we...read WE...the church have sanctioned. How? By our apathy.
In a LIFE Siege, you are silent. Your there only to identify with the voiceless, and pray. You do not interfere with people going in or coming out. There should never be judgment of people, but I have seen that in some misguided demonstrations.
So I put my LIFE tape on my mouth and began to pray. After praying through the things I could think of to pray for, I began to ask God what He wanted me to know. I'm going to simplify as much as possible because this will probably take some time for me to process.
I began to feel the weight of responsibility for the building I was looking at. How did it happen that a beautiful, modern medical center was built to promote and facilitate the murder of the "least of these" in any society?
I began remembering the word in Ezekial how the Priests were always to define the Holy and profane for the people. And how God told Ezekial to dig through the wall and examine what the Priests were doing....worshipping other Gods. Oh, we have our sanctuary's...our rituals....our Christian communities, but do we have truth or tradition? Do we have men's ideas of what is right or do we have the Man Christ Jesus?
Bickle once preached, that if your faith isn't disrupting your life, you don't have faith.
It's inconvenient, uncomfortable, and tiring to stand in one place and pray silently for an hour or two. It's even more inconvenient, expensive, and messy to take one of those babies and create an alternative for that mother.
I was struck that we have the understanding that abortion is one of the greatest injustices, yet we don't have the understanding that it is our injustice against God that created it.
The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof.....I became aware of the property in front of me that I wasn't allowed to touch, was God's, and therefore Holy Ground. And through the apathy of those who knew better, but didn't want to be inconvenienced, we participated in building that monstrous place that now hid dismembered body's of babies, thrown away, incinerated, like that removed the evidence. The blood will cry out from the ground.
I felt the weight of the sin and responsibility, and cried out to God for forgiveness. I became aware, of the injustice, that I was standing outside praying, while there were women inside having abortions, yet it was I who held the greater moral failure. I was as culpable, yet I didn't get what I deserved. Such is the grace of God, and why we pray for not only life for the unborn, but LIFE for the mother....Jesus...the Way, the Truth, and the LIFE. I didn't get what I deserved....that is my prayer for this world. Come to Jesus, and allow Him to remove the guilt, the stain, of what we have become. He delights to do this...He's not waiting in anger to judge, no....He died with arms wide open, and heart exposed.
I repent and stand in the gap of what He created us to be, and what we have become. Jesus, have mercy and forgive my sin and the sins of my nation. God end abortion and send revival to America. Amen
In a LIFE Siege, you are silent. Your there only to identify with the voiceless, and pray. You do not interfere with people going in or coming out. There should never be judgment of people, but I have seen that in some misguided demonstrations.
So I put my LIFE tape on my mouth and began to pray. After praying through the things I could think of to pray for, I began to ask God what He wanted me to know. I'm going to simplify as much as possible because this will probably take some time for me to process.
I began to feel the weight of responsibility for the building I was looking at. How did it happen that a beautiful, modern medical center was built to promote and facilitate the murder of the "least of these" in any society?
I began remembering the word in Ezekial how the Priests were always to define the Holy and profane for the people. And how God told Ezekial to dig through the wall and examine what the Priests were doing....worshipping other Gods. Oh, we have our sanctuary's...our rituals....our Christian communities, but do we have truth or tradition? Do we have men's ideas of what is right or do we have the Man Christ Jesus?
Bickle once preached, that if your faith isn't disrupting your life, you don't have faith.
It's inconvenient, uncomfortable, and tiring to stand in one place and pray silently for an hour or two. It's even more inconvenient, expensive, and messy to take one of those babies and create an alternative for that mother.
I was struck that we have the understanding that abortion is one of the greatest injustices, yet we don't have the understanding that it is our injustice against God that created it.
The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof.....I became aware of the property in front of me that I wasn't allowed to touch, was God's, and therefore Holy Ground. And through the apathy of those who knew better, but didn't want to be inconvenienced, we participated in building that monstrous place that now hid dismembered body's of babies, thrown away, incinerated, like that removed the evidence. The blood will cry out from the ground.
I felt the weight of the sin and responsibility, and cried out to God for forgiveness. I became aware, of the injustice, that I was standing outside praying, while there were women inside having abortions, yet it was I who held the greater moral failure. I was as culpable, yet I didn't get what I deserved. Such is the grace of God, and why we pray for not only life for the unborn, but LIFE for the mother....Jesus...the Way, the Truth, and the LIFE. I didn't get what I deserved....that is my prayer for this world. Come to Jesus, and allow Him to remove the guilt, the stain, of what we have become. He delights to do this...He's not waiting in anger to judge, no....He died with arms wide open, and heart exposed.
I repent and stand in the gap of what He created us to be, and what we have become. Jesus, have mercy and forgive my sin and the sins of my nation. God end abortion and send revival to America. Amen
Monday, July 5, 2010
Human Trafficking Prayer Meeting
Tonight was an awesome intercession time to end human slavery and trafficking. There is nothing that stirs my heart like this issue. I want to pray for it and I want somehow to work God's justice for it also. Praying He reveal that work to me. I'm so inadequate, but know He can equip and be my sufficiancy. Powerful, powerful evening.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Quotes from The Preacher: His Life and Work, by John Henry Jowett 1912
The first peril which I will name, and I name it first because it's touch is so fatal, is that of deadening familiarity with the sublime. You will not have been long in the ministry before you discover that it is possible to be fussily busy about the Holy Place and yet to lose the wondering sense of the Holy Lord.
We may be professors, but not pilgrims. Our studies may be workshops instead of "upper rooms."
We may become so absorbed in the words that we forget to eat the Word. And the consummation of the subtle peril may be this: We may come to assume that fine talk is fine living, that expository skill is deep piety, and while we are fondly hugging the non-essentials, the veritable essence escapes.
A man may live in the mountain country and lose all sense of the heights.
Our speech lacks a mysterious impressiveness. We are wordy but we are not mighty. We are eloquent but we do not persuade...we teach but we do not woo. We make a show of power but men do not move. Men come and go, they may be interested or amused, but they do not bow in penitent surrender at the feet of the Lord.
I am profoundly convinced that one of the gravest perils which beset the ministry of this country is a restless scattering of energies over an amazing multiplicity of interests, which leaves no margin of time or of strength for receptive and absorbing communion with God. We are tempted to be always 'on the run' and to measure our fruitfulness by our pace and by the ground we cover in the course of the week!
Gentlemen, we are not always doing the most business when we seem to be most busy. We may think we are truly busy when we are really only restless, and a little studied retirement would greatly enrich our returns. We are great only as we are God-possessed; and scrupulous appointments in the upper room with the Master will prepare us for the toil and hardships of the most strenuous campaign.
This really impacted me this morning....listening to 3 young students give a testimony about how God had healed them, all three creative miracles, and I sat there smiling thinking quietly...wow. Kind of like a "how nice" feeling. Talk about "deadening familiarity with the sublime" (or majestic!) I went forward as I realized, that in my time away, I had already become somewhat distanced in my spirit and had lost my facination with the heart of God. I want it back. I want to pay the price to see God's glory. I want to see His face. Lord, keep my heart here in the place where you are, so that when the worlds great need arises, I don't lose myself in ministry. One Thing...Your my One Thing.
We may be professors, but not pilgrims. Our studies may be workshops instead of "upper rooms."
We may become so absorbed in the words that we forget to eat the Word. And the consummation of the subtle peril may be this: We may come to assume that fine talk is fine living, that expository skill is deep piety, and while we are fondly hugging the non-essentials, the veritable essence escapes.
A man may live in the mountain country and lose all sense of the heights.
Our speech lacks a mysterious impressiveness. We are wordy but we are not mighty. We are eloquent but we do not persuade...we teach but we do not woo. We make a show of power but men do not move. Men come and go, they may be interested or amused, but they do not bow in penitent surrender at the feet of the Lord.
I am profoundly convinced that one of the gravest perils which beset the ministry of this country is a restless scattering of energies over an amazing multiplicity of interests, which leaves no margin of time or of strength for receptive and absorbing communion with God. We are tempted to be always 'on the run' and to measure our fruitfulness by our pace and by the ground we cover in the course of the week!
Gentlemen, we are not always doing the most business when we seem to be most busy. We may think we are truly busy when we are really only restless, and a little studied retirement would greatly enrich our returns. We are great only as we are God-possessed; and scrupulous appointments in the upper room with the Master will prepare us for the toil and hardships of the most strenuous campaign.
This really impacted me this morning....listening to 3 young students give a testimony about how God had healed them, all three creative miracles, and I sat there smiling thinking quietly...wow. Kind of like a "how nice" feeling. Talk about "deadening familiarity with the sublime" (or majestic!) I went forward as I realized, that in my time away, I had already become somewhat distanced in my spirit and had lost my facination with the heart of God. I want it back. I want to pay the price to see God's glory. I want to see His face. Lord, keep my heart here in the place where you are, so that when the worlds great need arises, I don't lose myself in ministry. One Thing...Your my One Thing.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Orientation
Just finished orientation, and they are chucking us right into the deep end. We will be serving Intro 1, in many capacities plus our own teaching time, Prayer Room time, and Awakening services. I will be serving on a ministry team each week at the Awakening services also. plus we have small group, and they would like us to lead another small group, which I am not willing to do right now. This is very different from the 1st half which was all receiving. Guess it's time to get to work!
Friday, July 2, 2010
A little fun break!
Brad and I decided on the spur of the moment to run down to Springfield to eat dinner and spend the night. We ate at Lamberts Cafe, famous for it's "throwed rolls."
The young guys who throw them, must all be baseball fanatics, because all you do is hold your hand up, and they will lob one right into it, even from across the room! No catching skills necessary!
We then decided since we were so close to go on down to Branson and see Noah's Ark, the musical, which I've wanted to see for a few years now. It is the Sight and Sound theater, with a 300ft. panoramic stage that looks like your inside the ark, with animals floor to ceiling, some real, some animatronic. They actually gave the gospel after the show, and spoke some very prophetic scripture, very appropriate for the time we live in. I was pleased it wasn't just entertainment, but had the truth in mind, and glorifying God as the end product. The trained animals were fun to watch, and the singing was great. What a nice break, before we dive into the second half of our training. We also have some hopeful news we may be qualified for unemployment! That weekly money will go a long way towards keeping us while we finish and move onto the next step, wherever that may be. Tomorrow is orientation day at noon, so onward and upward!
The young guys who throw them, must all be baseball fanatics, because all you do is hold your hand up, and they will lob one right into it, even from across the room! No catching skills necessary!
We then decided since we were so close to go on down to Branson and see Noah's Ark, the musical, which I've wanted to see for a few years now. It is the Sight and Sound theater, with a 300ft. panoramic stage that looks like your inside the ark, with animals floor to ceiling, some real, some animatronic. They actually gave the gospel after the show, and spoke some very prophetic scripture, very appropriate for the time we live in. I was pleased it wasn't just entertainment, but had the truth in mind, and glorifying God as the end product. The trained animals were fun to watch, and the singing was great. What a nice break, before we dive into the second half of our training. We also have some hopeful news we may be qualified for unemployment! That weekly money will go a long way towards keeping us while we finish and move onto the next step, wherever that may be. Tomorrow is orientation day at noon, so onward and upward!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
What else??
Brad and I had some prophetic ministry the other day. It was very encouraging. But one guy said to me, something about letting go of the old in order to receive the new. I immediately thought, man....what else can I let go of Lord??? A little pouty feeling arose. Well...I get to let go of my independence for one. Eli is flying in next week to drive my car back to Washington. I can't buy him a car of it's quality and mileage and he can't either till he gets a job, which he cannot do without a car!! Aiyiyi. So now I have no car. And I really felt pretty put out about it for a moment. Down right whiny even. And the food issue is the last frontier where my independence is concerned. The place where I really indulge myself. So take it all Lord. I know I will be happier, and I want that new wineskin...this one is feeling pretty stiff and out of shape. I'm ready to lose it, no matter how much I cry and drag my feet.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Day 2 in KC
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huh...wha????
huh...wha????
Sunday, June 27, 2010
K.C. at last....
Finally arrived in Kansas City today. I can't believe it. I'm not quite here mentally yet. It will take some time to adjust this time, realizing I don't have to go home in a week or month. I'm getting settled into our temporary home, but am so tired decided to quit, post a few lines, and just rest. Stayed with some old friends in St. Louis last night, which was fun and a nice break. The last week has been hell. Temperature's in the 90's, humidity you could cut with a knife, packing, separating, loads going off in 4 directions. 1 to Gwen's for auction, several loads to my brother's for storage, 3 loads to the dump, and packed my trailer to store at Dad's. I don't think I could have lasted another day. Then the goodbye's....which I cry when I leave for vacation, let alone for 6 months! I thought I counted the cost of this, but I guess you really can't foresee it all. I'm excited about what God's doing, even in the midst of painful changes anyway. Looking forward to what the next 6 months bring. I keep thinking...I sold my house...we quit our jobs.....still surreal.
Checked out the Mercy Ship Disaster Response, on line today and sent for information. Not sure what kind of commitment is required but have always wanted to check that out. They have been in Haiti working since about a week after the earthquake I believe. Anyway....who knows what's on the horizon, but God! And He's not tipping His hand just yet.
Checked out the Mercy Ship Disaster Response, on line today and sent for information. Not sure what kind of commitment is required but have always wanted to check that out. They have been in Haiti working since about a week after the earthquake I believe. Anyway....who knows what's on the horizon, but God! And He's not tipping His hand just yet.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Life on the Roller Coaster and other things that make you want to hurl
I've haven't felt stress in my body like this since Brad went into rehab. I'm not sure what it is....if it's the packing, the release of sentimental possessions I never thought I'd get rid of, the weekly ups and downs of the buyers problems with paperwork, that keep us from closing, Brad being gone and not having the support I need in all this, what? I've closed down my business...cried rivers over my clients, some whom have become real friends over the years. Lost all security in jobs, paychecks, invested it in the One I can not see, but have faith in. It's all such a new place to be standing in. It's one thing to say we have faith, it's another to step into that reality without the safety net of paychecks, 401k's, and home. I really started to choke on it all this week. A kind of "WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!??", moment. Couldn't sleep....adrenaline coursing through my body day and night. Anxiety. The friends with the cash offer is not going to happen, so I'm back to waiting on the buyers to finish, which will now take another 30 days. I'm just going to have to put my money where my mouth is, and have faith, keep packing and move to KC whether it closes or not, and trust that God has it in control. It's out of my control which tells me it's God's problem, not mine. The Lord gave a women at church a word for me this morning. I went to the alter to pray, and she came to meet me saying she was waiting for me to come forward, God had already given it to her. She didn't know what was going on with my life, but the word from the Lord was "Trust me. You have given me everything, now trust me." She saw an image of me cleaning out my closets. She laughed and said I'm probably doing that in the natural, but it had more spiritual meaning, than than that.
I thought of that...and it's true. God is opening the dusty doors of my heart, places I've refused to go, things I've refused to give, and cleaning house. It's painful yet refreshing at the same time. You know how it feels to have a home spring cleaned, purging out the old dusty stuff. Except right now I'm covered in cobwebs, dirt, and still in process, so am not quite to the exhilaration yet, but can see it coming.
I had prayed on the way to church, and told the Lord I needed a word from Him today. Then I thought, why do I need that? It's more faithlessness....He has already spoken, I'm just not leaning on it. So I amended my prayer saying, but if You don't give me a word, I am making a decision to trust. I don't feel it. I don't feel the rest in my spirit that trusts produces, it's just not there, but I choose to trust.
And He met me at the altar with that sweet word and encouragement. I still don't "feel" it. But it's ok. I know that too will change, maybe tomorrow, maybe a week or month from now. I'm just going to try and put my hands up and ride the coaster. And try not to hurl.
I thought of that...and it's true. God is opening the dusty doors of my heart, places I've refused to go, things I've refused to give, and cleaning house. It's painful yet refreshing at the same time. You know how it feels to have a home spring cleaned, purging out the old dusty stuff. Except right now I'm covered in cobwebs, dirt, and still in process, so am not quite to the exhilaration yet, but can see it coming.
I had prayed on the way to church, and told the Lord I needed a word from Him today. Then I thought, why do I need that? It's more faithlessness....He has already spoken, I'm just not leaning on it. So I amended my prayer saying, but if You don't give me a word, I am making a decision to trust. I don't feel it. I don't feel the rest in my spirit that trusts produces, it's just not there, but I choose to trust.
And He met me at the altar with that sweet word and encouragement. I still don't "feel" it. But it's ok. I know that too will change, maybe tomorrow, maybe a week or month from now. I'm just going to try and put my hands up and ride the coaster. And try not to hurl.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Word for the Day...flexability
Okay, I no longer have to worry about not liking something....it changes every 15- 20 minutes around here. There is a new issue with our buyer. They are nice people but 4 months to complete a contract is a bit much. I have someone though, that would like to make a cash offer tomorrow!(which is when their contract and it's 1st extension expires) If it's a good one, I should be out of here by June
25th. I'm continuing, in faith, to pack. We also each received scholarships from Brad's union, for $600 each! The second half of our training is guess how much???? Correct. $600 each!
Isn't God amazing?
25th. I'm continuing, in faith, to pack. We also each received scholarships from Brad's union, for $600 each! The second half of our training is guess how much???? Correct. $600 each!
Isn't God amazing?
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Who am I?
I am a lover of God, and my expression of that is worship. My first conscious memory of worshipping God is around 3, singing in the Cherub choir at church. I am at my most peaceful, joyful place in worship.
When I came back to the church, it didn't seem like legitimate work for the Lord. I think because it's not really a priority at church. I kept trying to reinvent myself into something else, something useful. Singing was a weekend volunteer job, not the "real" thing.
Jesus taught us, "on earth as it is in heaven", so what's going on in heaven? Continuous worship around the throne. Worship is the correct response to seeing God. It's ok, that this is my purpose. Better than ok. For me it's air.
David knew it was the correct response to God, and hired thousands of musicians and singers to worship God night and day and pray. The 24/7 house of prayer was God's idea then and it is now as well. We don't have to reinvent ourselves to satisfy the current theological, social or political trends of usefulness. God invented me. I'm good with that.
Lord, make my life praise...everything I do, I want it to point to You, and be an act of worship. Amen
When I came back to the church, it didn't seem like legitimate work for the Lord. I think because it's not really a priority at church. I kept trying to reinvent myself into something else, something useful. Singing was a weekend volunteer job, not the "real" thing.
Jesus taught us, "on earth as it is in heaven", so what's going on in heaven? Continuous worship around the throne. Worship is the correct response to seeing God. It's ok, that this is my purpose. Better than ok. For me it's air.
David knew it was the correct response to God, and hired thousands of musicians and singers to worship God night and day and pray. The 24/7 house of prayer was God's idea then and it is now as well. We don't have to reinvent ourselves to satisfy the current theological, social or political trends of usefulness. God invented me. I'm good with that.
Lord, make my life praise...everything I do, I want it to point to You, and be an act of worship. Amen
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Pentecost
Today is Pentecost. All this past year, God has seemed to do new things in my life on Jewish Holy Days. Last year, I left on Rosh Hashannah, the Jewish New Year, for Kansas City. I knew that was significant. For more than a year, He had been sending me the word out of Isaiah 43 I spoke of before, over and over,
Isa 43:19
19 "Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.
NASU
It was a season of "new". I could feel it internally. My 49th year of life, and 50th birthday came in Kansas City. I kept getting words of "jubilee!" The Sabbath year.
The desert was behind me, and I could smell the rain.
So today, of all days, the birth of the church of Jesus Christ, it is appropriate, that God would ordain it to be the official beginning of the Dayton House of Prayer. We met, kind of last minute, at the new Webster Street facility. It was one of those full circle moments. I remembered seeing and praying for this way back...how many years....14, 15 16? Not sure, but a long time ago!!So long that I went through a cycle of birth of a vision, death of the vision, and rebirth. Well...I'm a slow learner. Late bloomer. It took that long I guess to learn to keep my hands off it.
So I had one of those, full circle moments last night. The indescribable feeling, of being priviledged to be there on the Dayton House of Prayer's birthday. The answer to my prayers. Of course there were many, many people pregnant with it. Laboring to bring it forth. We didn't know one another, but we were all out there doing our thing, waiting. And last night, the night of Pentecost, the birth of the Christian church, and the festival of First Fruits, I saw a "first fruit" from Dayton, one of America's fastest dying city's.....but maybe not.
Isa 42:3
3 "A bruised reed He will not break
And a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish;
He will faithfully bring forth justice.
NASU
Give us beauty for ashes Lord. Amen
Isa 43:19
19 "Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.
NASU
It was a season of "new". I could feel it internally. My 49th year of life, and 50th birthday came in Kansas City. I kept getting words of "jubilee!" The Sabbath year.
The desert was behind me, and I could smell the rain.
So today, of all days, the birth of the church of Jesus Christ, it is appropriate, that God would ordain it to be the official beginning of the Dayton House of Prayer. We met, kind of last minute, at the new Webster Street facility. It was one of those full circle moments. I remembered seeing and praying for this way back...how many years....14, 15 16? Not sure, but a long time ago!!So long that I went through a cycle of birth of a vision, death of the vision, and rebirth. Well...I'm a slow learner. Late bloomer. It took that long I guess to learn to keep my hands off it.
So I had one of those, full circle moments last night. The indescribable feeling, of being priviledged to be there on the Dayton House of Prayer's birthday. The answer to my prayers. Of course there were many, many people pregnant with it. Laboring to bring it forth. We didn't know one another, but we were all out there doing our thing, waiting. And last night, the night of Pentecost, the birth of the Christian church, and the festival of First Fruits, I saw a "first fruit" from Dayton, one of America's fastest dying city's.....but maybe not.
Isa 42:3
3 "A bruised reed He will not break
And a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish;
He will faithfully bring forth justice.
NASU
Give us beauty for ashes Lord. Amen
Friday, May 7, 2010
Self Gratifying Culture
A pastor at IHOP was preaching a couple of Sunday's ago, and said how we, the church, have bought into the self gratifying culture. We preach Jesus as the way to get your sins forgiven so we can go to heaven, be blessed financially, emotionally, spiritually. It's all truth, but because of that being the focus, we treat God like He's there to fulfill us in every way. We're taught to "find our passion,the sweet spot that fulfills us." What an injustice to our Creator. It's subtle, because God has given us a call and destiny, but in one form or another, it's to find what is on God's heart, what He's passionate about, what He dreams of, that should be our passion. It's not about my dreams at all. Yes, He created and wired me in a certain way, but it wasn't to use on my agenda and what makes me feel good (even ministry). Matthew 6:33 says "Seek first the kingdom of God, and everything else will be given to you."
Our passion is to be for Him alone. And the overflow is anointed tasks, gifts, talents, used to His glory. So much of what we do is for our own glory. If you would like to hear the message that I barely scratched the surface of, it is on the IHOP website archive. God to WWW.ihop.org, then to "live prayer room web cast". Then,click on weekend services, and next, Forerunner Christian Fellowship. Look for archive for April 25th, and part two was May 2, which I haven't seen yet.
It's all for Him and His glory! All for love!
Our passion is to be for Him alone. And the overflow is anointed tasks, gifts, talents, used to His glory. So much of what we do is for our own glory. If you would like to hear the message that I barely scratched the surface of, it is on the IHOP website archive. God to WWW.ihop.org, then to "live prayer room web cast". Then,click on weekend services, and next, Forerunner Christian Fellowship. Look for archive for April 25th, and part two was May 2, which I haven't seen yet.
It's all for Him and His glory! All for love!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Impeccable timing!
If all goes accordingly, we will be moving out of our house June 28, and the owner of the home in Kansas City would like us to be in her home July 1st. Hows that for timing? No one signed up for the Jamaica team, so I canceled it. Now I know why...because my house was going to sell and I would be moving to KC. Now He's showing off a little.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Saying Goodbye...
I didn't think I'd be sad to stop grooming. I have grown so tired of that daily grind, but now that it's time, I find myself grieving. Grieving! Today, I realized, I was grooming Oreo, Abbey, Spike, Stella, Lilly, and Isabel for the last time. They are such a regular part of my life, and of course I took it for granted. I enjoy them! They each have such distinct personalities and quirks. I'm grateful for the skills and business God gave me.
I'm excited though to move on also. Within the space of a couple hours, Brad was offered a home in KC, where the owner is going out of the country and had been praying for a couple to rent it to and stay and take care of little things. I've been in it before, and it's a great house, within walking distance of the prayer room. Only $350 a month, and it comes with a weekly housekeeper and groundskeeper. Hows that for God loving and taking care of us! He truly is giving us a Jubilee year. I can't get over it. What a kiss from the Lord!
We have such a loving Daddy, who enjoys giving His children gifts! Thank you Father! You are the Bomb!
I'm excited though to move on also. Within the space of a couple hours, Brad was offered a home in KC, where the owner is going out of the country and had been praying for a couple to rent it to and stay and take care of little things. I've been in it before, and it's a great house, within walking distance of the prayer room. Only $350 a month, and it comes with a weekly housekeeper and groundskeeper. Hows that for God loving and taking care of us! He truly is giving us a Jubilee year. I can't get over it. What a kiss from the Lord!
We have such a loving Daddy, who enjoys giving His children gifts! Thank you Father! You are the Bomb!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Every increased possession loads us with new weariness. John Ruskin
Got a contract on the house last night. Of course, it's not over till it's over, so it's business as usual for the next 3 weeks or so. A friend at IHOP was praying over me, and gave me Jeremiah 31, and talked about signposts. Watch for signposts. The scripture says,
Jer 31:21
21 "Set up for yourself roadmarks,
Place for yourself guideposts;
Direct your mind to the highway,
The way by which you went.
Return, O virgin of Israel,
Return to these your cities.
NASU
I was wondering aloud to Brad what it meant to 'set up for yourself' a guidepost. Was I supposed to be specific with the Lord, and say, if the house sells before Brad's training is over, we go to Kansas City for a season, and if not, we stay in Dayton. I hadn't come to a conclusion other than even Gideon put a fleece before the Lord to get affirmation of what to do. That was Tuesday that the word was given to me, and last night my house gets a contract. Hmmmmm.
On a deeper level, directing my mind to the highway, is about walking with the Lord, intentionally, purposefully. If you get on a highway your going somewhere! There are definitely guideposts for that...worship, prayer, spending time with Jesus, study of the Word, and fellowship of like minded people. If these things are in place, I won't deviate from the road, and get off track. The whole of Jeremiah 31 is a great promise and I feel encouraged this morning. It was scary when it came time to sign the offer though. The reality of letting it all go for something unknown.
Carmen used to sing this song called Step of Faith. The chorus was something like
"living for the Lord,
Trusting in His care,
stepping out in faith, and finding something there."
It feels like the scene in Indiana Jones where he has to cross the chasm and scatters the gravel to see the invisible bridge.
No home. No jobs. Just Jesus. Feels like air under my feet.....
Jer 31:21
21 "Set up for yourself roadmarks,
Place for yourself guideposts;
Direct your mind to the highway,
The way by which you went.
Return, O virgin of Israel,
Return to these your cities.
NASU
I was wondering aloud to Brad what it meant to 'set up for yourself' a guidepost. Was I supposed to be specific with the Lord, and say, if the house sells before Brad's training is over, we go to Kansas City for a season, and if not, we stay in Dayton. I hadn't come to a conclusion other than even Gideon put a fleece before the Lord to get affirmation of what to do. That was Tuesday that the word was given to me, and last night my house gets a contract. Hmmmmm.
On a deeper level, directing my mind to the highway, is about walking with the Lord, intentionally, purposefully. If you get on a highway your going somewhere! There are definitely guideposts for that...worship, prayer, spending time with Jesus, study of the Word, and fellowship of like minded people. If these things are in place, I won't deviate from the road, and get off track. The whole of Jeremiah 31 is a great promise and I feel encouraged this morning. It was scary when it came time to sign the offer though. The reality of letting it all go for something unknown.
Carmen used to sing this song called Step of Faith. The chorus was something like
"living for the Lord,
Trusting in His care,
stepping out in faith, and finding something there."
It feels like the scene in Indiana Jones where he has to cross the chasm and scatters the gravel to see the invisible bridge.
No home. No jobs. Just Jesus. Feels like air under my feet.....
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Kisses from God
I love when God gives you a kiss...a blessing that sustains you until the next time you desperately need to see His hand in your life. I flew to Kansas City for a visit with Brad, and spent two nights at the Awakening meetings, hours and hours in the Global Prayer Room, and God knocked our socks off! We were so blessed we were weak in the knees! I received some beautiful prophetic promises to pray over, and just a deep touch on my heart from the Lord. Sometimes I really need the Lord to put the plumb line over my life and straighten my frame! He did that and more. His love and affection are becoming all I care about. For so long I was taught that God would fulfill me and help me find "my" purpose. But I'm realizing now, that my "purpose" is to fulfill HIS dreams. It's not about finding our 'sweet spot' and fulfilling ourselves. That is a by product of whole hearted pursuit and love of Jesus Christ. Matthew 6:33, Seek FIRST the kingdom of God and everything else will be added.....
It's true.
The first commandment is first.
One Thing I seek.......
It's true.
The first commandment is first.
One Thing I seek.......
Friday, April 9, 2010
The Four Letter Word...
Wait.
We are so anxious to do our thing, what we think is right, we have lost the art of waiting on the Lord. In fact, where I come from, it may BE a "four letter word."
Waiting may look like disobedience to some, and you just have to be ok with looking bad. I actually heard it preached once, that "God didn't want you to sit and pray, but to do." I know it wasn't meant to come out like that, but I cringed, and felt so condemned, even as I was trying to obey what I knew the Lord was saying to me personally.
"Wait... Wait on Me... I will open the doors... I will promote you... I want a people with no mixture...do not promote yourself, but wait.... Learn to delight in being hidden, in just being Mine... Do not let the criticism or praise of man touch you."
All these things and more I have heard for over 16 years.
Do you know what the waiting showed me? That I didn't fully understand the vision He gave me. That knowledge grew over the years. I would have, in my limited understanding 16 years ago, done things in my own wisdom and done them wrong. It would have been too small...too ego driven....too controlled...too programed. I would have been tempted to be proud, had I been able to build anything, not realizing that those who build without Him, labor in vain. I would have had a lamp, but no oil.
It would have burned, and the burning would have hurt others who I brought along and sold my vision to.
God is good. If we will wait...trust...for years if need be, what He builds, will stand, and nothing shall prevail against it. Our own motives have to be purified, and that takes a long time.
We need to pray for the Holy Spirit to come like Fire. Burn whatever hinders my love for the Lord, and hinders receiving His love for me.
No....wait is not a bad word....it's wisdom and it's evidence of trust and submission, which brings peace.
Maybe we need to pray.."teach me to wait."
I dare ya......
We are so anxious to do our thing, what we think is right, we have lost the art of waiting on the Lord. In fact, where I come from, it may BE a "four letter word."
Waiting may look like disobedience to some, and you just have to be ok with looking bad. I actually heard it preached once, that "God didn't want you to sit and pray, but to do." I know it wasn't meant to come out like that, but I cringed, and felt so condemned, even as I was trying to obey what I knew the Lord was saying to me personally.
"Wait... Wait on Me... I will open the doors... I will promote you... I want a people with no mixture...do not promote yourself, but wait.... Learn to delight in being hidden, in just being Mine... Do not let the criticism or praise of man touch you."
All these things and more I have heard for over 16 years.
Do you know what the waiting showed me? That I didn't fully understand the vision He gave me. That knowledge grew over the years. I would have, in my limited understanding 16 years ago, done things in my own wisdom and done them wrong. It would have been too small...too ego driven....too controlled...too programed. I would have been tempted to be proud, had I been able to build anything, not realizing that those who build without Him, labor in vain. I would have had a lamp, but no oil.
It would have burned, and the burning would have hurt others who I brought along and sold my vision to.
God is good. If we will wait...trust...for years if need be, what He builds, will stand, and nothing shall prevail against it. Our own motives have to be purified, and that takes a long time.
We need to pray for the Holy Spirit to come like Fire. Burn whatever hinders my love for the Lord, and hinders receiving His love for me.
No....wait is not a bad word....it's wisdom and it's evidence of trust and submission, which brings peace.
Maybe we need to pray.."teach me to wait."
I dare ya......
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Great Wait
Have you ever waited for an extended period of time on an appointment or for a contractor to come to your house? Wasn't that fun? (not)
Well, the instant I signed my "covenant" with God, He went underground. Oh, all of my ministry work went up like an explosion at a fireworks factory. He burned it thoroughly. Only in answer to my prayer He reminds me from time to time, when something else I attempt to do goes up in smoke.
He will let you build with wood, hay and stubble if you really want to. Usually we're building monuments to our self, and if that's our desire, God is a gentleman....he doesn't interfere.
As I learned to wait, which, no lie, has taken years, He worked underground where I couldn't see what He was doing. In fact, sometimes, I was afraid He had left altogether, though He promised not to leave me, ever, in His word. I had to believe that by faith. He would surface once in a while, encourage me with those little moments of love, and then silence again. I likened it to the Israelites in the desert. Follow the cloud by day, stop when it stops, move when it moves. I started learning what it was to obey, whether it makes sense or not. Good training for what's happening today, I suddenly realize!
The hardest though was waiting. Waiting to find "my" ministry. I had continued to sing for a while, and through a combination of things, left even that. I felt so empty. That was good. God wanted me so empty. I had filled myself with a lot of "good" stuff, and none of it Him. I, like the ten virgins in the story, I had a lamp but no oil.
He began to draw me to Himself. Intimacy is a word I heard again and again in my heart. He wanted intimacy with me. HE...was my portion, I'd read.
In His light though, all my sin really started to show up. Sitting in that Light, is like sitting under a microscope. In the reflection of His Holiness, your darkness really shows up glaringly clear. I didn't understand at the time, that God was revealing those things, not to condemn me, but to remove them. He can't remove what's wrong in our lives until we agree with Him that something is wrong. I thought He wanted me to "fix" it.
I want to short cut this process for you, so I break from the story....YOU don't "fix" anything. You take your head out of your rear, agree with God about what He is showing you, and you ask for forgiveness and say 'yes' to Him changing you. Then you hit "delete" and thank Him and move on. Amen!
HE changes your heart and desires, you just nod and agree. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
There is more to deliverance than just that, but that is the beginning.
My reality was I spent a few years scratching and digging myself till I bled in order to "find" all the sin. I was so freaked out by what God had shown me, the reality of my heart, and that it could be so deceived, that I wouldn't know. God is more merciful and gentle than we are however, and eventually, I learned to relax a little and go with the flow of things.
To stay at His feet takes a lot of focus and spiritual fight on our part. I'm not there even yet, though I am better.
It's not popular to wait in this age of the "just do it" mentality. The world AND the church is riddled with that attitude. Jesus wasn't. He only did what He saw the Father doing. How did He see that? By coming apart from others, and seeking His Father alone.
The Father can talk to us through people and situations and His word. But to really receive His love and the burden's of His heart, it takes time. Time spent with Him waiting. You won't win any awards with church folk for this stand. They have too much to do. But God's heart will be touched....if you just wait with Him. Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all else will be added to you. Matthew 6:33. Amen
Well, the instant I signed my "covenant" with God, He went underground. Oh, all of my ministry work went up like an explosion at a fireworks factory. He burned it thoroughly. Only in answer to my prayer He reminds me from time to time, when something else I attempt to do goes up in smoke.
He will let you build with wood, hay and stubble if you really want to. Usually we're building monuments to our self, and if that's our desire, God is a gentleman....he doesn't interfere.
As I learned to wait, which, no lie, has taken years, He worked underground where I couldn't see what He was doing. In fact, sometimes, I was afraid He had left altogether, though He promised not to leave me, ever, in His word. I had to believe that by faith. He would surface once in a while, encourage me with those little moments of love, and then silence again. I likened it to the Israelites in the desert. Follow the cloud by day, stop when it stops, move when it moves. I started learning what it was to obey, whether it makes sense or not. Good training for what's happening today, I suddenly realize!
The hardest though was waiting. Waiting to find "my" ministry. I had continued to sing for a while, and through a combination of things, left even that. I felt so empty. That was good. God wanted me so empty. I had filled myself with a lot of "good" stuff, and none of it Him. I, like the ten virgins in the story, I had a lamp but no oil.
He began to draw me to Himself. Intimacy is a word I heard again and again in my heart. He wanted intimacy with me. HE...was my portion, I'd read.
In His light though, all my sin really started to show up. Sitting in that Light, is like sitting under a microscope. In the reflection of His Holiness, your darkness really shows up glaringly clear. I didn't understand at the time, that God was revealing those things, not to condemn me, but to remove them. He can't remove what's wrong in our lives until we agree with Him that something is wrong. I thought He wanted me to "fix" it.
I want to short cut this process for you, so I break from the story....YOU don't "fix" anything. You take your head out of your rear, agree with God about what He is showing you, and you ask for forgiveness and say 'yes' to Him changing you. Then you hit "delete" and thank Him and move on. Amen!
HE changes your heart and desires, you just nod and agree. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
There is more to deliverance than just that, but that is the beginning.
My reality was I spent a few years scratching and digging myself till I bled in order to "find" all the sin. I was so freaked out by what God had shown me, the reality of my heart, and that it could be so deceived, that I wouldn't know. God is more merciful and gentle than we are however, and eventually, I learned to relax a little and go with the flow of things.
To stay at His feet takes a lot of focus and spiritual fight on our part. I'm not there even yet, though I am better.
It's not popular to wait in this age of the "just do it" mentality. The world AND the church is riddled with that attitude. Jesus wasn't. He only did what He saw the Father doing. How did He see that? By coming apart from others, and seeking His Father alone.
The Father can talk to us through people and situations and His word. But to really receive His love and the burden's of His heart, it takes time. Time spent with Him waiting. You won't win any awards with church folk for this stand. They have too much to do. But God's heart will be touched....if you just wait with Him. Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all else will be added to you. Matthew 6:33. Amen
Altars of Sacrifice
I was in lay pastor ministry in the early 90's. Compassion/Mercy being my first spiritual gift, it seemed like the natural thing really. And I loved it..in the beginning. But as I met with care receivers I was assigned to, week after week, I began to grow impatient. I heard the same thing every week. The person I was meeting with went home unburdened, but nothing changed. I began to realize they didn't want to. And I started to get aggravated. I was shocked at my impatience. Where was my compassion? I began to feel pressure in my spirit. Subtle at first, it began to increase. I began to get really uncomfortable over time, and finally one day, as I was pacing in my house crying out to God, I was literally backed into a corner in my kitchen. It was like God's big thumb cornered me and pressed down. I heard in my heart, "your righteousness is as a filthy rag."
I knew that was in the bible somewhere. I found it. Isaiah 64:6 - For all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy rag...and all of us wither like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.
I was shocked. I thought my ministry work was a Holy thing, a gift to the Lord. I didn't understand. I remember at the time, immediately after that crushing blow, I felt His love like I never had before. Later, that taught me to not fear the Lord's discipline. He poured out equal portions of love with His correction, so I was not utterly crushed by the revelation of my real motives. He showed me that I was serving in lay pastor ministry to get MY needs of being needed met. The ugly truth was, I felt just a wee bit superior when I was "helping" someone. And if that isn't enough to gag you, He showed me there was no real love at all for others, but it was a manifestation of love for myself, and a way to be in control.
When I saw all that, standing there with my head down, I thought...."who on earth can be saved." If my sin was so mixed in with my offerings to God, what could a person possibly do that was righteous? I was really mixed up with the grace of salvation, and works. But on the heel of those thoughts came the words into my heart, "with God, all things are possible." Jesus reference to the rich young ruler whose selfishness kept him from following Jesus.
The next thing I heard changed the course of my life forever. I'm not sure if it wasn't audible, although I think it was only spoken into my heart, but it was so loud and so clear, I've wondered ever since.
"Lay your desires, your ambitions and your dreams on the altar of sacrifice and I will have a feast for you there."He spoke to me telling me to go to 1 Corinthians 3:12-15. Just like that...1 Corinthians 3:12.....Now, if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay and straw, each man's work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man's work. If any man's work which he has built on it remains he will receive a reward. If any man's work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through the fire.I had this mental picture of myself shooting cartoon style, feet first, into heaven, patting the flames out on my behind! I didn't want to come to the Lord like that...I wanted to hear, "well done good and faithful servant!"
I asked the Lord right then, "can you burn up what is not of you now so that I don't suffer this loss later?"
Well....I like to say the answer was a FLAMING "Yes!!!"
I've been smelling smoke ever since.
I studied the altar in the temple where they sacrificed the animals. Part of the sacrifice was God's but there was also feasts, where the people shared in the meat that was cooked and partied! Now that had the ring of a promise to it! I felt a peace in my spirit and knew that God had something better than my dreams and ambitions. I remember having the image in my head of a contract. It was blank, and the Lord was asking that, in trust, I sign the contract giving Him complete control as to my future and destiny. I was giving up my rights to pursue what I wanted and exchanging it for His dreams, His ambitions and His desires. In my minds eye, I signed that contract, shaking a little... but I said yes.
Thus began, what I call, the "Great Wait" on God.
I knew that was in the bible somewhere. I found it. Isaiah 64:6 - For all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy rag...and all of us wither like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.
I was shocked. I thought my ministry work was a Holy thing, a gift to the Lord. I didn't understand. I remember at the time, immediately after that crushing blow, I felt His love like I never had before. Later, that taught me to not fear the Lord's discipline. He poured out equal portions of love with His correction, so I was not utterly crushed by the revelation of my real motives. He showed me that I was serving in lay pastor ministry to get MY needs of being needed met. The ugly truth was, I felt just a wee bit superior when I was "helping" someone. And if that isn't enough to gag you, He showed me there was no real love at all for others, but it was a manifestation of love for myself, and a way to be in control.
When I saw all that, standing there with my head down, I thought...."who on earth can be saved." If my sin was so mixed in with my offerings to God, what could a person possibly do that was righteous? I was really mixed up with the grace of salvation, and works. But on the heel of those thoughts came the words into my heart, "with God, all things are possible." Jesus reference to the rich young ruler whose selfishness kept him from following Jesus.
The next thing I heard changed the course of my life forever. I'm not sure if it wasn't audible, although I think it was only spoken into my heart, but it was so loud and so clear, I've wondered ever since.
"Lay your desires, your ambitions and your dreams on the altar of sacrifice and I will have a feast for you there."He spoke to me telling me to go to 1 Corinthians 3:12-15. Just like that...1 Corinthians 3:12.....Now, if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay and straw, each man's work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man's work. If any man's work which he has built on it remains he will receive a reward. If any man's work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through the fire.I had this mental picture of myself shooting cartoon style, feet first, into heaven, patting the flames out on my behind! I didn't want to come to the Lord like that...I wanted to hear, "well done good and faithful servant!"
I asked the Lord right then, "can you burn up what is not of you now so that I don't suffer this loss later?"
Well....I like to say the answer was a FLAMING "Yes!!!"
I've been smelling smoke ever since.
I studied the altar in the temple where they sacrificed the animals. Part of the sacrifice was God's but there was also feasts, where the people shared in the meat that was cooked and partied! Now that had the ring of a promise to it! I felt a peace in my spirit and knew that God had something better than my dreams and ambitions. I remember having the image in my head of a contract. It was blank, and the Lord was asking that, in trust, I sign the contract giving Him complete control as to my future and destiny. I was giving up my rights to pursue what I wanted and exchanging it for His dreams, His ambitions and His desires. In my minds eye, I signed that contract, shaking a little... but I said yes.
Thus began, what I call, the "Great Wait" on God.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Made for Prayer
In the early 80's, we were living in Florida. Brad had went to the local pier to fish one evening. He called me at home sometime after 11pm to say the fish weren't biting, and he was heading home. This was before the days of cellphones so he actually went to a pay phone to call. The instant I hung up the phone, I felt a heaviness and a chill..why did he call to tell me he was coming home? He had never done that. I decided to pray, time him, and if he wasn't home in the appropriate amount of time, I would go look for him. I just felt something was wrong. Mentally I charted his route home....turn by turn coming from the Island and prayed for his safety. About the time I felt he should be getting close, I heard a car up the street begin to rev its engine. Next I heard tires squealing and the car began to accelerate, roaring past our street. I suddenly realized that this was what I was praying for. I wish I could say I stood in faith, since the Lord had seen fit to warn me, but the reality is I crouched to the floor with my hands over my ears waiting for the sound of the impact and tearing metal. I heard the racing car hit the brakes and the tires began to scream, as the driver tried to stop. It seemed like forever and then there was just silence. A minute later, Brad's headlights showed in the driveway. I ran out to ask what happened, and he told me the guy in the racing car tried to stop at the intersection and couldn't. He slid across the street and into a Church parking lot, spinning completely around before he came to a rest. Brad said the intersection light had suddenly turned red, and he had to jam on his brakes to stop in time, and almost the same instant the other guy flew through the intersection. That would have been enough of a miracle for me, but there's more. The traffic light that turned red, was cycled off at night and only flashed yellow after 11pm.
When Jesus was in the garden, He took only 3 of the disciples, Peter, James and John, with Him, to His place of sorrow. The rest he told to stay behind. Now think about this....Jesus is not partial...He loves everyone. He's not envious or jealous...but He is looking for those who will wait with Him. Jesus lives to make intercession for us, the Word says. Even now....Jesus is interceding.
I want to be one of those He calls "friend." Intimate. Part of the company He says to, "Come with me." One who waits with Him in both joy and sorrow. I don't ever want Jesus to weep alone, and I want the joy of laughing with Him for sure! But like all three men, I fail. I doze off, not understanding the importance most of the time, of the moment where His heart stirs mine and calls me to Himself. This is intercession. Not our puny compassion's, and sorrows, but His, imparted to me to share in. Not my little ideas and grandiose thoughts, but His plan, purpose and will downloaded into my spirit. Our prayers are mixed together, calling forth the things that are not as though they are. Healing the sick and raising the dead. Giving sight to the blind and opening the ears of the deaf....if I will only wait...Lord, give me the grace to wait.
When Jesus was in the garden, He took only 3 of the disciples, Peter, James and John, with Him, to His place of sorrow. The rest he told to stay behind. Now think about this....Jesus is not partial...He loves everyone. He's not envious or jealous...but He is looking for those who will wait with Him. Jesus lives to make intercession for us, the Word says. Even now....Jesus is interceding.
I want to be one of those He calls "friend." Intimate. Part of the company He says to, "Come with me." One who waits with Him in both joy and sorrow. I don't ever want Jesus to weep alone, and I want the joy of laughing with Him for sure! But like all three men, I fail. I doze off, not understanding the importance most of the time, of the moment where His heart stirs mine and calls me to Himself. This is intercession. Not our puny compassion's, and sorrows, but His, imparted to me to share in. Not my little ideas and grandiose thoughts, but His plan, purpose and will downloaded into my spirit. Our prayers are mixed together, calling forth the things that are not as though they are. Healing the sick and raising the dead. Giving sight to the blind and opening the ears of the deaf....if I will only wait...Lord, give me the grace to wait.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
The Traveling Couch
Song of Solomon 1:16
How handsome you are my beloved, And so pleasant! Indeed our couch is luxuriant!
I remember feeling an increasing need and pressure to get somewhere away with the Lord. He'll do that....woo you..draw you away to Himself. His desire is for you. You were made to love and be loved. The church has settled for the back of His head, and He wants face to face. Intimacy, nothing less will satisfy, Him or us.
I started thinking about a retreat center I had visited a couple times years ago. It was accessible and cheap. I went the first time, and really it wasn't what you would call electrifying. I struggled the entire 2 days trying to relax and let go of my life. I napped...I was bored...I struggled to "do" spiritual things. Read my bible, do devotions, worship, whatever. Finally after a couple of these "retreats" I realized I needed to ask the Lord what "He" wanted. Surprisingly...He didn't want anything. He wanted to be with me. And He wanted me to be with Him. Just enjoy Him.
What?What?
Try it. See if you think that's easy.
We are so programmed for performance, it felt like the most un-natural thing in the world. It felt downright unfaithful.
But I began to obey. Oh...it was up and down, touch and go. But now...the first thing that happens when I roll into the driveway at my retreat center, is I feel the world peel off. The weight comes off my shoulders, and my life is left at the entrance to the road. It's just me and Jesus.
Next, I go in, throw my stuff into my room and then I...A. commune with God in the woods...B. worship Him in song...C. read at least 2 chapters of the bible, or D....Take a nap.
Correct!!! D....take a nap! It's part of the Lord's strategy to rest you up and teach you to let go and come to His feet. I'm getting pretty quick about de-stressing anymore. I love that it is becoming more automatic. It's actually starting to work in my everyday life, as I can come to His feet as many times a day as I want. It very sweet in my retreat home, but it's great here also. I just tend to pick it back up quicker here. But our "luxuriant couch" is wherever I take time to recline on His chest and just be with Him.
Did you know God loves you, and if you really love Him, you are a success? That's what He is after, your heart. It's Jesus plus nothing. You may be a CEO, a priest, a janitor, the president of a nation, an evangelist...those are all just jobs. Task's. They are not "who" you are. You were made for God. That identity is what your life is really about. Search that out. But take time for the traveling couch. That's the One Thing.
Psalm 27:4
One thing I have asked from the Lord, one thing I shall seek; That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple.
We become what we behold. Look at the beauty of Jesus...really look at it. Study it..meditate on it. You will be changed.
2 Corinthians 3:18
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.
How handsome you are my beloved, And so pleasant! Indeed our couch is luxuriant!
I remember feeling an increasing need and pressure to get somewhere away with the Lord. He'll do that....woo you..draw you away to Himself. His desire is for you. You were made to love and be loved. The church has settled for the back of His head, and He wants face to face. Intimacy, nothing less will satisfy, Him or us.
I started thinking about a retreat center I had visited a couple times years ago. It was accessible and cheap. I went the first time, and really it wasn't what you would call electrifying. I struggled the entire 2 days trying to relax and let go of my life. I napped...I was bored...I struggled to "do" spiritual things. Read my bible, do devotions, worship, whatever. Finally after a couple of these "retreats" I realized I needed to ask the Lord what "He" wanted. Surprisingly...He didn't want anything. He wanted to be with me. And He wanted me to be with Him. Just enjoy Him.
What?What?
Try it. See if you think that's easy.
We are so programmed for performance, it felt like the most un-natural thing in the world. It felt downright unfaithful.
But I began to obey. Oh...it was up and down, touch and go. But now...the first thing that happens when I roll into the driveway at my retreat center, is I feel the world peel off. The weight comes off my shoulders, and my life is left at the entrance to the road. It's just me and Jesus.
Next, I go in, throw my stuff into my room and then I...A. commune with God in the woods...B. worship Him in song...C. read at least 2 chapters of the bible, or D....Take a nap.
Correct!!! D....take a nap! It's part of the Lord's strategy to rest you up and teach you to let go and come to His feet. I'm getting pretty quick about de-stressing anymore. I love that it is becoming more automatic. It's actually starting to work in my everyday life, as I can come to His feet as many times a day as I want. It very sweet in my retreat home, but it's great here also. I just tend to pick it back up quicker here. But our "luxuriant couch" is wherever I take time to recline on His chest and just be with Him.
Did you know God loves you, and if you really love Him, you are a success? That's what He is after, your heart. It's Jesus plus nothing. You may be a CEO, a priest, a janitor, the president of a nation, an evangelist...those are all just jobs. Task's. They are not "who" you are. You were made for God. That identity is what your life is really about. Search that out. But take time for the traveling couch. That's the One Thing.
Psalm 27:4
One thing I have asked from the Lord, one thing I shall seek; That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple.
We become what we behold. Look at the beauty of Jesus...really look at it. Study it..meditate on it. You will be changed.
2 Corinthians 3:18
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.
Monday, March 29, 2010
The Year of Loving Dangerously -
I really think my "year" started last year. I'll have to go back into my journal's to find things to share here. So much has happened, it's hard to know where to start. But what I really want to share, is not so much what has happened to me, or what we do, but what God does as we leap. It's His faithfulness, already so evident in our lives...so that while I encourage myself by recounting that, maybe it will encourage someone else also. Thanks Suzanne, for your encouragement. It is a type of "standing stone" to put down an account of what God does in your life. We are supposed to "remember and tell" of God's goodness.
I'll start by telling this one little story. A few years ago I found myself in a terrible depression. So much so, that though I have struggled with depression since I was about 13 years old, I could no longer pull myself out as I used to. I remember God speaking to my heart months earlier telling me He was going to teach me to "rest" in Him. (SOME rest, I thought!) I had no real clue what that meant at the time, though I thought I did. To truly rest "in" God, we rest "from" ourselves. To do that, He allowed this period, where I no longer had anything to give Him. I couldn't be more, do more or give more..much of what the Christian church preaches. I was at the end of myself...which is where He wanted me. He can't do much in our lives till we are at that very place. So with my head on my kitchen table....literally....I remember telling God, like David, "where else do I turn for life...you alone are God. I know that without doubt, and I have no where else to turn but you." It was the cry of disappointment in God. He appeared to be doing nothing. But He was underground and very busy, as I was to find out later. I started seeing signs....everywhere I went.."Behold, I'm doing a new thing." I would hear it on the Radio, see it quoted in a book, I actually saw it on an electronic sign going down the highway! After a while I stopped counting how many times God brought that scripture to my eye's. It got so that it really made me smile, then laugh out loud. At the flashing electronic sign, I said, "ok, ok!! I get it!! Your doing a New Thing! And thus began my rest.
Isaiah 30:15a
For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said, "In repentance and rest you will be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength."......
I'll start by telling this one little story. A few years ago I found myself in a terrible depression. So much so, that though I have struggled with depression since I was about 13 years old, I could no longer pull myself out as I used to. I remember God speaking to my heart months earlier telling me He was going to teach me to "rest" in Him. (SOME rest, I thought!) I had no real clue what that meant at the time, though I thought I did. To truly rest "in" God, we rest "from" ourselves. To do that, He allowed this period, where I no longer had anything to give Him. I couldn't be more, do more or give more..much of what the Christian church preaches. I was at the end of myself...which is where He wanted me. He can't do much in our lives till we are at that very place. So with my head on my kitchen table....literally....I remember telling God, like David, "where else do I turn for life...you alone are God. I know that without doubt, and I have no where else to turn but you." It was the cry of disappointment in God. He appeared to be doing nothing. But He was underground and very busy, as I was to find out later. I started seeing signs....everywhere I went.."Behold, I'm doing a new thing." I would hear it on the Radio, see it quoted in a book, I actually saw it on an electronic sign going down the highway! After a while I stopped counting how many times God brought that scripture to my eye's. It got so that it really made me smile, then laugh out loud. At the flashing electronic sign, I said, "ok, ok!! I get it!! Your doing a New Thing! And thus began my rest.
Isaiah 30:15a
For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said, "In repentance and rest you will be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength."......
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Valley's of Complacency
And to expose our hearts to truth and consistently refuse or neglect to obey the impulses it arouses is to stymie the motions of life within us and, if persisted in, to grieve the Holy Spirit into silence.
A.W.Tozer
For the first time in my adult life, I feel like I'm obeying those impulses of life, imparted by the Holy Spirit. You have to train yourself to really listen and not be entertained by the messages at church, or the books you read. If Jesus said He would spew the lukewarm church out of His mouth, then they are not saved...He is certainly not embracing the Lukewarm "believer". I think we need to seriously contemplate the question, "am I really saved?" Not to create fear, and to work harder, but to go the mat with God and wrestle it out, and test ourselves.
A.W.Tozer
For the first time in my adult life, I feel like I'm obeying those impulses of life, imparted by the Holy Spirit. You have to train yourself to really listen and not be entertained by the messages at church, or the books you read. If Jesus said He would spew the lukewarm church out of His mouth, then they are not saved...He is certainly not embracing the Lukewarm "believer". I think we need to seriously contemplate the question, "am I really saved?" Not to create fear, and to work harder, but to go the mat with God and wrestle it out, and test ourselves.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
God Dreams
Brad sent me a great article this morning on a guy who lost his job, and couldn't find another so pursued his dream of professional bowling. (I know...but it's his dream....). Point being he made $50,000 winning a pro bowl event, more than he had ever made in a single year. The message pointed out that sometimes our secure paychecks can keep us from pursuing our dreams.
Being that God seems to have Brad and I on this journey of putting all our security in Him alone, and letting go of our lives, this was encouraging to me, and all the more when I realize, the dreams I have, come from God Himself, as years ago, I gave Him permission to burn mine, (which He faithfully did, the smell of smoke still lingering in my nostrils even after all these years) along with anything else that wasn't of Him in my life. So in my humanness...I find myself more than a little fearful at times at what I'm doing, but in my spirit, I'm at peace...when I let Him give it, that is. The peace that just doesn't make sense.. ( my translation of the peace that passes all understanding.)
I wondered when we got home how on earth we would find people to help us. I have learned recently that you don't go out looking for them God just has them call you at home on your phone! :-D
The Lord has connected us with someone who heard about our dreams, and feels it is his portion of the job to provide the space for a House of Prayer, (he's already offered temporary housing, free of charge, not even utility payments...woohoo!) and when we told him about calling about a couple old hotels up for sale, he said he had his realtor call about both of them, the same two we were looking at, two days before! So God not only will give you a dream, His dream, He will plant it in others also, and bring you together to carry it out. I have no clue what the future holds....but when I'm standing on this side of the Red Sea....I really wished I could have praised Him ahead of time, on the other side. Trusting and walking by faith is hard....even though at every turn He shows me His goodness. I'm really excited at times thinking about the ways He will show Himself in the coming years....I may scream all the way down, but I'm leaping....I'm leaping.
Being that God seems to have Brad and I on this journey of putting all our security in Him alone, and letting go of our lives, this was encouraging to me, and all the more when I realize, the dreams I have, come from God Himself, as years ago, I gave Him permission to burn mine, (which He faithfully did, the smell of smoke still lingering in my nostrils even after all these years) along with anything else that wasn't of Him in my life. So in my humanness...I find myself more than a little fearful at times at what I'm doing, but in my spirit, I'm at peace...when I let Him give it, that is. The peace that just doesn't make sense.. ( my translation of the peace that passes all understanding.)
I wondered when we got home how on earth we would find people to help us. I have learned recently that you don't go out looking for them God just has them call you at home on your phone! :-D
The Lord has connected us with someone who heard about our dreams, and feels it is his portion of the job to provide the space for a House of Prayer, (he's already offered temporary housing, free of charge, not even utility payments...woohoo!) and when we told him about calling about a couple old hotels up for sale, he said he had his realtor call about both of them, the same two we were looking at, two days before! So God not only will give you a dream, His dream, He will plant it in others also, and bring you together to carry it out. I have no clue what the future holds....but when I'm standing on this side of the Red Sea....I really wished I could have praised Him ahead of time, on the other side. Trusting and walking by faith is hard....even though at every turn He shows me His goodness. I'm really excited at times thinking about the ways He will show Himself in the coming years....I may scream all the way down, but I'm leaping....I'm leaping.
Friday, February 5, 2010
When?
When will the church look like that last quote??? Living by faith, dependant upon the Holy
spirit? When will the Bride arrive? When will people walk into our churches and get miraculously healed of disease and disorders... find deliverance from addictions?
When Lord? When will we stop denying the power of God? Come Holy Spirit and increase your presence.....Jesus, we miss you, come back.
spirit? When will the Bride arrive? When will people walk into our churches and get miraculously healed of disease and disorders... find deliverance from addictions?
When Lord? When will we stop denying the power of God? Come Holy Spirit and increase your presence.....Jesus, we miss you, come back.
Crazy Love
I want to live in such a way, that if the Holy Spirit doesn't show up, I'm screwed.
Francis Chan
Francis Chan
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Patience....
I'm trying to wait patiently, but now that certain decisions have been made, I just want it done and over with. I hate moving. I hate packing more specifically. Last move I didn't even unpack some boxes, but put them straight into a garage sale, then off to Veteran's with what was leftover. I'm walking through the house and every pass it seems I pick something else up and take it to the dining room table, my new collection spot for what is leaving my house permanently. It's sick...all the stuff I have. Every time I come home from Jamaica, I realize just how sick it is. And I realize that we have so mixed our Christianity with the American Dream, we don't even know which is which any more. Now we think God gives us all this stuff. If we were honest, I wonder how much really was just us, going after what we want, justifying it because we give "generously" to the poor, tithe at church, etc.
I drove down to the Dayton Mall area, and down through Fairfield Mall area, to get to Half Price Books, to sell the books and DVD's I had chosen to get rid of. I just started weeping as I was driving. (I know..weird, but I knew what was happening...it's just God's way with me) I just couldn't believe all the shopping, restaurants...and more being built. I'm thinking, 'what could anyone possibly bring to this area that isn't already here??' I thought of contentment....is there contentment anymore? I thought 'what has happened to your people God?' We are ate up with greed. Forgive us... you blessed us in order to bless other's and instead we built bigger barns. Instead of living simply, I allowed my culture's values to seep in and bought the lie. We, who are from the church, are at more fault, more culpable, than any one else, because we have the knowledge of God, who said that in sharing all, no one would lack anything. Instead, we live in our $300,000 houses, and blame corporate greed for the woes of our poor.
There are days when I feel I can't get rid of this house fast enough. Yet it's only a symptom and not really the problem. The problem is in my heart. Which is why it's probably taking so long....because God is not putting a bandaid on my greed....He's surgically removing it. Well, take it God. And don't let good people talk me out of giving it up. I'm either going to believe your word, or not. If I am, then I live and die by it.
I drove down to the Dayton Mall area, and down through Fairfield Mall area, to get to Half Price Books, to sell the books and DVD's I had chosen to get rid of. I just started weeping as I was driving. (I know..weird, but I knew what was happening...it's just God's way with me) I just couldn't believe all the shopping, restaurants...and more being built. I'm thinking, 'what could anyone possibly bring to this area that isn't already here??' I thought of contentment....is there contentment anymore? I thought 'what has happened to your people God?' We are ate up with greed. Forgive us... you blessed us in order to bless other's and instead we built bigger barns. Instead of living simply, I allowed my culture's values to seep in and bought the lie. We, who are from the church, are at more fault, more culpable, than any one else, because we have the knowledge of God, who said that in sharing all, no one would lack anything. Instead, we live in our $300,000 houses, and blame corporate greed for the woes of our poor.
There are days when I feel I can't get rid of this house fast enough. Yet it's only a symptom and not really the problem. The problem is in my heart. Which is why it's probably taking so long....because God is not putting a bandaid on my greed....He's surgically removing it. Well, take it God. And don't let good people talk me out of giving it up. I'm either going to believe your word, or not. If I am, then I live and die by it.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Who cares.......
Couldn't sleep night before last. I layed there asking, "is this you Lord? Are you wanting my attention or I just can't sleep?" I was so wide awake, I got up and went into the family room. In my head, I heard 2 Kings 20. Ok.
I was reading, and knew the story...Hezekiah is dying, and Isaiah tells him so. "Get your house in order, your going to die."
Hezekiah begs the Lord to remember all that he's done for Him, and cries bitterly.
Isaiah doesn't even get beyond the outer court of the palace, and God sends him back in to tell Hezekiah He is going to add 15 years to His life. This is where it gets interesting...Hezekiah gets a letter and gift from a distant king, who heard he was sick. Hezekiah, then invites him into his kingdom and shows him everything he owns. Everything! Isaiah drops by and says, "who's this guy and where is he from?" Hezekiah tells him he is a king from Babylon. Isaiah says, "what did you show him?" and Hezekiah tells him he showed him everything he owned. He ends up getting a prophecy from Isaiah that everything he owns, including sons that are not yet born, will be carried off into Babylon. And Hezekiah prays for mercy and tells his sons......
Actually no...he says, "ok..that's a good word. I at least will have peace while I live." In total apathy...he does nothing. For his own life, he interceded in tears, but for the generations after him, he did nothing. He should have been teaching his sons about the King of Babylon, warning them, spending his remaining 15 years teaching them to pray, rely on God alone, plan some strategy's about how to deal with Babylon. The end of the chapter tells about all the things King Hezekiah did are written in the chronicles of the Kings. He did some amazing things, including creating a conduit to bring water into Jerusalem. But in the end, everything he owned including his grandchildren were carried off to Babylon.
I see the church this way today. We have programs...we have missions. We teach all kinds of things, except for the fact that Jesus is really coming back, and by looking at Jesus words of warning, we know that it's soon. 5 years or 50 who knows, but soon. And even if it's a 150, are we saying, "that's a good word...at least I will have peace in my lifetime... ?" Or worse yet, the teaching that the church will be raptured before the tribulation, so, again, who cares. If the church really believed what the bible said, we would all be teaching Revelation, the "rest" of the story. We would be teaching the future generations how to stand in the day of trouble. How to discern what the apostate church will look like, and the deception it is. We are each given differing gifts, but we are all responsible to search out truth and to understand the hour in which we live. We can't know the day or time, but we absolutely can know the season. Jesus said we could.
We will truly live differently, if we really believe He's coming. And the deception that comes to the church before He returns is so compelling, that even those who already know Him, could be deceived. It's nothing to be afraid of, if we study and spend time with Jesus, developing intimacy with Him. But if my grandchildren will possibly see Jesus..then the time is NOW, to get them ready...and if He tarries, they will teach their children, and generations will be ready when the time comes. Do we care? I do. People get ready...Jesus is coming.
I was reading, and knew the story...Hezekiah is dying, and Isaiah tells him so. "Get your house in order, your going to die."
Hezekiah begs the Lord to remember all that he's done for Him, and cries bitterly.
Isaiah doesn't even get beyond the outer court of the palace, and God sends him back in to tell Hezekiah He is going to add 15 years to His life. This is where it gets interesting...Hezekiah gets a letter and gift from a distant king, who heard he was sick. Hezekiah, then invites him into his kingdom and shows him everything he owns. Everything! Isaiah drops by and says, "who's this guy and where is he from?" Hezekiah tells him he is a king from Babylon. Isaiah says, "what did you show him?" and Hezekiah tells him he showed him everything he owned. He ends up getting a prophecy from Isaiah that everything he owns, including sons that are not yet born, will be carried off into Babylon. And Hezekiah prays for mercy and tells his sons......
Actually no...he says, "ok..that's a good word. I at least will have peace while I live." In total apathy...he does nothing. For his own life, he interceded in tears, but for the generations after him, he did nothing. He should have been teaching his sons about the King of Babylon, warning them, spending his remaining 15 years teaching them to pray, rely on God alone, plan some strategy's about how to deal with Babylon. The end of the chapter tells about all the things King Hezekiah did are written in the chronicles of the Kings. He did some amazing things, including creating a conduit to bring water into Jerusalem. But in the end, everything he owned including his grandchildren were carried off to Babylon.
I see the church this way today. We have programs...we have missions. We teach all kinds of things, except for the fact that Jesus is really coming back, and by looking at Jesus words of warning, we know that it's soon. 5 years or 50 who knows, but soon. And even if it's a 150, are we saying, "that's a good word...at least I will have peace in my lifetime... ?" Or worse yet, the teaching that the church will be raptured before the tribulation, so, again, who cares. If the church really believed what the bible said, we would all be teaching Revelation, the "rest" of the story. We would be teaching the future generations how to stand in the day of trouble. How to discern what the apostate church will look like, and the deception it is. We are each given differing gifts, but we are all responsible to search out truth and to understand the hour in which we live. We can't know the day or time, but we absolutely can know the season. Jesus said we could.
We will truly live differently, if we really believe He's coming. And the deception that comes to the church before He returns is so compelling, that even those who already know Him, could be deceived. It's nothing to be afraid of, if we study and spend time with Jesus, developing intimacy with Him. But if my grandchildren will possibly see Jesus..then the time is NOW, to get them ready...and if He tarries, they will teach their children, and generations will be ready when the time comes. Do we care? I do. People get ready...Jesus is coming.
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