The Great Wait

Have you ever waited for an extended period of time on an appointment or for a contractor to come to your house? Wasn't that fun? (not)
Well, the instant I signed my "covenant" with God, He went underground. Oh, all of my ministry work went up like an explosion at a fireworks factory. He burned it thoroughly. Only in answer to my prayer He reminds me from time to time, when something else I attempt to do goes up in smoke.
He will let you build with wood, hay and stubble if you really want to. Usually we're building monuments to our self, and if that's our desire, God is a gentleman....he doesn't interfere.
As I learned to wait, which, no lie, has taken years, He worked underground where I couldn't see what He was doing. In fact, sometimes, I was afraid He had left altogether, though He promised not to leave me, ever, in His word. I had to believe that by faith. He would surface once in a while, encourage me with those little moments of love, and then silence again. I likened it to the Israelites in the desert. Follow the cloud by day, stop when it stops, move when it moves. I started learning what it was to obey, whether it makes sense or not. Good training for what's happening today, I suddenly realize!
The hardest though was waiting. Waiting to find "my" ministry. I had continued to sing for a while, and through a combination of things, left even that. I felt so empty. That was good. God wanted me so empty. I had filled myself with a lot of "good" stuff, and none of it Him. I, like the ten virgins in the story, I had a lamp but no oil.
He began to draw me to Himself. Intimacy is a word I heard again and again in my heart. He wanted intimacy with me. HE...was my portion, I'd read.
In His light though, all my sin really started to show up. Sitting in that Light, is like sitting under a microscope. In the reflection of His Holiness, your darkness really shows up glaringly clear. I didn't understand at the time, that God was revealing those things, not to condemn me, but to remove them. He can't remove what's wrong in our lives until we agree with Him that something is wrong. I thought He wanted me to "fix" it.
I want to short cut this process for you, so I break from the story....YOU don't "fix" anything. You take your head out of your rear, agree with God about what He is showing you, and you ask for forgiveness and say 'yes' to Him changing you. Then you hit "delete" and thank Him and move on. Amen!
HE changes your heart and desires, you just nod and agree. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
There is more to deliverance than just that, but that is the beginning.
My reality was I spent a few years scratching and digging myself till I bled in order to "find" all the sin. I was so freaked out by what God had shown me, the reality of my heart, and that it could be so deceived, that I wouldn't know. God is more merciful and gentle than we are however, and eventually, I learned to relax a little and go with the flow of things.
To stay at His feet takes a lot of focus and spiritual fight on our part. I'm not there even yet, though I am better.
It's not popular to wait in this age of the "just do it" mentality. The world AND the church is riddled with that attitude. Jesus wasn't. He only did what He saw the Father doing. How did He see that? By coming apart from others, and seeking His Father alone.
The Father can talk to us through people and situations and His word. But to really receive His love and the burden's of His heart, it takes time. Time spent with Him waiting. You won't win any awards with church folk for this stand. They have too much to do. But God's heart will be touched....if you just wait with Him. Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all else will be added to you. Matthew 6:33. Amen