Patience....

I'm trying to wait patiently, but now that certain decisions have been made, I just want it done and over with. I hate moving. I hate packing more specifically. Last move I didn't even unpack some boxes, but put them straight into a garage sale, then off to Veteran's with what was leftover. I'm walking through the house and every pass it seems I pick something else up and take it to the dining room table, my new collection spot for what is leaving my house permanently. It's sick...all the stuff I have. Every time I come home from Jamaica, I realize just how sick it is. And I realize that we have so mixed our Christianity with the American Dream, we don't even know which is which any more. Now we think God gives us all this stuff. If we were honest, I wonder how much really was just us, going after what we want, justifying it because we give "generously" to the poor, tithe at church, etc.
I drove down to the Dayton Mall area, and down through Fairfield Mall area, to get to Half Price Books, to sell the books and DVD's I had chosen to get rid of. I just started weeping as I was driving. (I know..weird, but I knew what was happening...it's just God's way with me) I just couldn't believe all the shopping, restaurants...and more being built. I'm thinking, 'what could anyone possibly bring to this area that isn't already here??' I thought of contentment....is there contentment anymore? I thought 'what has happened to your people God?' We are ate up with greed. Forgive us... you blessed us in order to bless other's and instead we built bigger barns. Instead of living simply, I allowed my culture's values to seep in and bought the lie. We, who are from the church, are at more fault, more culpable, than any one else, because we have the knowledge of God, who said that in sharing all, no one would lack anything. Instead, we live in our $300,000 houses, and blame corporate greed for the woes of our poor.
There are days when I feel I can't get rid of this house fast enough. Yet it's only a symptom and not really the problem. The problem is in my heart. Which is why it's probably taking so long....because God is not putting a bandaid on my greed....He's surgically removing it. Well, take it God. And don't let good people talk me out of giving it up. I'm either going to believe your word, or not. If I am, then I live and die by it.