Last night, I set my heart to ask the Lord what "strongholds" I had left. (fortified areas of thought, that exalts itself above the knowledge of God) I had begun to be aware that I had many. We had worshipped and been prayed for some and went to our seats to rest and wait on the Lord. Wes began calling out something about healing, and the Lord instantly reminded me of Kenna. I had just been talking to Gwen earlier in the day because I was struggling with the IHOP practice of asking for healing for everyone. I just didn't have the faith for it. My argument always was that we live in a fallen world, with the all the effects of that, and that our bodies are wasting away from the time we are born. When I pray for healing, I feel no real faith attached and that bothered me. It made me just not want to pray for people.
I'm sitting there letting the Holy Spirit take me through the times I prayed for healing, really believing, and the loved one's that died. Kenna primarily, her baby, a friend with cancer, my mom's pastor....and He revealed that I was offended at God. I had asked, with faith, and He didn't show up. Just Kenna dying, so young, with no real joy in life was a huge offense. I'm not sure if I've made inner vows or not about this. I can't remember saying anything like, "I will never pray for healing again", but I'm not sure...sometimes our thoughts and the intents of our hearts are so hidden. (God takes vows very seriously, and we can really cause a logjam in our spirits with them. They need to be repented of and renounced. For me, it caused a huge area of unbelief and cynicism for healing)
But last night, my heart broke for my accusation against God, the unjustness of that, and I just began weeping and weeping, repenting. He is so good, and His thoughts are so much higher than my thoughts, His ways higher than mine. It's really ridiculous that we do this, but it's a lack of understanding of His love and His passion for His people that leads us to make wrong conclusions, when hard things happen that we can't understand. I still don't understand, but I know Jesus, and He is trustworthy. He's proved His love.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
From my notes on the Elders..
One of the most interesting, yet remarkably overlooked facts concerning the 24 Elders, is that the most powerful and highest ranking men in authority, within the heavenly government of Almighty God, they spend the strength of their energies beholding the Person of God (Rev.4:4; 5:5-6; 7:11; 14:3) thus increasing in the revelation of the knowledge of God unto worship (Rev. 4:10; 5:8-10; 14; 11:16-17; 19:4) intercession (Rev.5:8-10) and proclamation( Rev. 4:11; 5:4-5; 8-10; 7:13-17; 11:16-18; for the advancement of His Kingdom (Listed 12 times, Rev.4:4; 10; 5:5,6,8,11,14; 7:11,13; 11:16; 14:3; 19:4; This Kingdom model was given to OT and NT communities ( Ex. 18:13-26; Acts 6:1-7; 13:1-3
One Thing Leadership
Today, we were studying in Revelation where we see the activity of the 24 Elders.
It helps to really ponder in your heart the reality of heaven. That right now, there is worship going on around the throne, Jesus is interceding for us, that the Cherubim and Seraphim are gazing at the Glory of God crying Holy! Holy! Holy! That there are legions of Angels engaged in the worship going on right now....I have been meditating on this and had an experience in the Lord the other night.
During out time of worship, I was down on the floor with hundreds of people. Hardly anyone stays in their seats here, most just go forward to the front. It's just a great bit party!
So we are worshipping, and I have my eye's closed. I have a sudden realization...not really a feeling but a knowing, that we are in the throne room. I open my eye's....the room is still there, but when I shut them, I'm immediately back in the throne room. I realize that this is what it means to be "seated in heavenly places with Christ." I become aware of the throne...it's not a completely clear vision...hazy a bit, like maybe my eye's are unable to see into this realm well yet. I see Jesus feet, and begin to look up towards the throne. At one point everyone in heaven was joined in our worship but now, heaven is silent as the Lord enjoys our offering of worship and love to Him. The feeling was that He wanted all of heaven to hear us and enjoy what He was enjoying. He pointed at me leaning to speak to someone. At first, I didn't believe He was pointing at me, then when I realized He was, I broke down weeping. At that moment, just to be seen by Him, was enough to cause my heart to never want to leave there. I remember the feeling of panic as we began to descend from that room. I never wanted to leave. I begged the Lord to let me stay. He held His hand up as if to say, 'not yet.'
Imagination? I questioned the experience myself. But I do know the loss I felt was real. The joy inexplicable of His glance was real. My heart burning within me was real.
I began asking the Lord last year for a vision of heaven. I knew that if I could see what was happening there, I would understand the superiority of the pleasures of God, and that the earthly pleasures that we slave for would look like the trash they are. Count it all as dung, the word says.
I digress from the original intent of this post, off on a bunny trail....
The Elders.....their example of how God administrates His kingdom....we find them sitting on thrones around God. This speaks of rest in God's presence. I can't personally see sitting in the presence of God...seems like you would just have to be on your face, but the Elders are sitting. Then at various times, they worship and give thanks, interceding, declare what they see, and throw themselves on their faces. This is our model of leadership. Resting in the presence of God, worshipping, and giving thanks, interceding for what's on His heart, able to hear that because we have spent time at His feet, declaring what we have seen and throwing ourselves on our face before His throne in thanksgiving and humility. If we were to do this faithfully, our days would be ordered by the Lord and we would see His glory come into our lives, our work, especially our works for the Lord. I don't know who these Elders are, the bible doesn't say, but they are the highest rank, if you will, of human beings in God's kingdom. Look to the Father's....see their example. On earth..as it is in heaven!
It helps to really ponder in your heart the reality of heaven. That right now, there is worship going on around the throne, Jesus is interceding for us, that the Cherubim and Seraphim are gazing at the Glory of God crying Holy! Holy! Holy! That there are legions of Angels engaged in the worship going on right now....I have been meditating on this and had an experience in the Lord the other night.
During out time of worship, I was down on the floor with hundreds of people. Hardly anyone stays in their seats here, most just go forward to the front. It's just a great bit party!
So we are worshipping, and I have my eye's closed. I have a sudden realization...not really a feeling but a knowing, that we are in the throne room. I open my eye's....the room is still there, but when I shut them, I'm immediately back in the throne room. I realize that this is what it means to be "seated in heavenly places with Christ." I become aware of the throne...it's not a completely clear vision...hazy a bit, like maybe my eye's are unable to see into this realm well yet. I see Jesus feet, and begin to look up towards the throne. At one point everyone in heaven was joined in our worship but now, heaven is silent as the Lord enjoys our offering of worship and love to Him. The feeling was that He wanted all of heaven to hear us and enjoy what He was enjoying. He pointed at me leaning to speak to someone. At first, I didn't believe He was pointing at me, then when I realized He was, I broke down weeping. At that moment, just to be seen by Him, was enough to cause my heart to never want to leave there. I remember the feeling of panic as we began to descend from that room. I never wanted to leave. I begged the Lord to let me stay. He held His hand up as if to say, 'not yet.'
Imagination? I questioned the experience myself. But I do know the loss I felt was real. The joy inexplicable of His glance was real. My heart burning within me was real.
I began asking the Lord last year for a vision of heaven. I knew that if I could see what was happening there, I would understand the superiority of the pleasures of God, and that the earthly pleasures that we slave for would look like the trash they are. Count it all as dung, the word says.
I digress from the original intent of this post, off on a bunny trail....
The Elders.....their example of how God administrates His kingdom....we find them sitting on thrones around God. This speaks of rest in God's presence. I can't personally see sitting in the presence of God...seems like you would just have to be on your face, but the Elders are sitting. Then at various times, they worship and give thanks, interceding, declare what they see, and throw themselves on their faces. This is our model of leadership. Resting in the presence of God, worshipping, and giving thanks, interceding for what's on His heart, able to hear that because we have spent time at His feet, declaring what we have seen and throwing ourselves on our face before His throne in thanksgiving and humility. If we were to do this faithfully, our days would be ordered by the Lord and we would see His glory come into our lives, our work, especially our works for the Lord. I don't know who these Elders are, the bible doesn't say, but they are the highest rank, if you will, of human beings in God's kingdom. Look to the Father's....see their example. On earth..as it is in heaven!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Just as promised.....
Had my first evening working as a Ministry Captain at the Awakening meetings. We are designated safe people to pray with and seek ministry from. In a church of intercessors, everyone prays for everyone, but the leaders are very serious, and diligent about making sure everyone is safe, and receiving God honoring help, so we not only minster, but watch over other's and look for unusual or questionable behaviors. In any move of God, you will see extreme's as people learn and grow in it, and it's stewarded by the leaders. I am so impressed with the level of integrity and accountability here, without shutting down the Holy Spirit and everyone else along with it, taking their baby steps to move with Him. I thought I would be nervous, but was ok. I ended up having only 3 people in the course of 3 hours! (there are hundreds in the room!) Each one needed extended ministry and support. I thought at first, Lord...why are you chucking me in at the deep end...couldn't you give me somebody with a headache or something??? But it was all good, and built up my faith, as I received encouragement from one of the veteran's on base. She had known the women I was ministering to, and some of her history and said I was "spot on" (she's British). So my confidence in God showing up, as promised, was increased, and more fear drained away. It's really a trust issue, as we can do nothing on our own, just as Jesus told us. It's knowing your Father, and seeking Him constantly as you love on one of His people. And He's delighted to show up and love on them through you. What a good, good Father we have!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
LIFE
Today, we went to the main medical surgical abortion clinic in Kansas City to stage a LIFE Siege. (Bound4Life.org) To my shame, I've never engaged in abortion protest. In fact, I've always felt a little angry at the church, because unless we put our money where our mouth is, and work to create a culture of adoption within our own ranks and take these babies, I felt it was hypocritical. Well...there is some truth to that, but it doesn't take away the fact that abortion is legalized murder, that we...read WE...the church have sanctioned. How? By our apathy.
In a LIFE Siege, you are silent. Your there only to identify with the voiceless, and pray. You do not interfere with people going in or coming out. There should never be judgment of people, but I have seen that in some misguided demonstrations.
So I put my LIFE tape on my mouth and began to pray. After praying through the things I could think of to pray for, I began to ask God what He wanted me to know. I'm going to simplify as much as possible because this will probably take some time for me to process.
I began to feel the weight of responsibility for the building I was looking at. How did it happen that a beautiful, modern medical center was built to promote and facilitate the murder of the "least of these" in any society?
I began remembering the word in Ezekial how the Priests were always to define the Holy and profane for the people. And how God told Ezekial to dig through the wall and examine what the Priests were doing....worshipping other Gods. Oh, we have our sanctuary's...our rituals....our Christian communities, but do we have truth or tradition? Do we have men's ideas of what is right or do we have the Man Christ Jesus?
Bickle once preached, that if your faith isn't disrupting your life, you don't have faith.
It's inconvenient, uncomfortable, and tiring to stand in one place and pray silently for an hour or two. It's even more inconvenient, expensive, and messy to take one of those babies and create an alternative for that mother.
I was struck that we have the understanding that abortion is one of the greatest injustices, yet we don't have the understanding that it is our injustice against God that created it.
The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof.....I became aware of the property in front of me that I wasn't allowed to touch, was God's, and therefore Holy Ground. And through the apathy of those who knew better, but didn't want to be inconvenienced, we participated in building that monstrous place that now hid dismembered body's of babies, thrown away, incinerated, like that removed the evidence. The blood will cry out from the ground.
I felt the weight of the sin and responsibility, and cried out to God for forgiveness. I became aware, of the injustice, that I was standing outside praying, while there were women inside having abortions, yet it was I who held the greater moral failure. I was as culpable, yet I didn't get what I deserved. Such is the grace of God, and why we pray for not only life for the unborn, but LIFE for the mother....Jesus...the Way, the Truth, and the LIFE. I didn't get what I deserved....that is my prayer for this world. Come to Jesus, and allow Him to remove the guilt, the stain, of what we have become. He delights to do this...He's not waiting in anger to judge, no....He died with arms wide open, and heart exposed.
I repent and stand in the gap of what He created us to be, and what we have become. Jesus, have mercy and forgive my sin and the sins of my nation. God end abortion and send revival to America. Amen
In a LIFE Siege, you are silent. Your there only to identify with the voiceless, and pray. You do not interfere with people going in or coming out. There should never be judgment of people, but I have seen that in some misguided demonstrations.
So I put my LIFE tape on my mouth and began to pray. After praying through the things I could think of to pray for, I began to ask God what He wanted me to know. I'm going to simplify as much as possible because this will probably take some time for me to process.
I began to feel the weight of responsibility for the building I was looking at. How did it happen that a beautiful, modern medical center was built to promote and facilitate the murder of the "least of these" in any society?
I began remembering the word in Ezekial how the Priests were always to define the Holy and profane for the people. And how God told Ezekial to dig through the wall and examine what the Priests were doing....worshipping other Gods. Oh, we have our sanctuary's...our rituals....our Christian communities, but do we have truth or tradition? Do we have men's ideas of what is right or do we have the Man Christ Jesus?
Bickle once preached, that if your faith isn't disrupting your life, you don't have faith.
It's inconvenient, uncomfortable, and tiring to stand in one place and pray silently for an hour or two. It's even more inconvenient, expensive, and messy to take one of those babies and create an alternative for that mother.
I was struck that we have the understanding that abortion is one of the greatest injustices, yet we don't have the understanding that it is our injustice against God that created it.
The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof.....I became aware of the property in front of me that I wasn't allowed to touch, was God's, and therefore Holy Ground. And through the apathy of those who knew better, but didn't want to be inconvenienced, we participated in building that monstrous place that now hid dismembered body's of babies, thrown away, incinerated, like that removed the evidence. The blood will cry out from the ground.
I felt the weight of the sin and responsibility, and cried out to God for forgiveness. I became aware, of the injustice, that I was standing outside praying, while there were women inside having abortions, yet it was I who held the greater moral failure. I was as culpable, yet I didn't get what I deserved. Such is the grace of God, and why we pray for not only life for the unborn, but LIFE for the mother....Jesus...the Way, the Truth, and the LIFE. I didn't get what I deserved....that is my prayer for this world. Come to Jesus, and allow Him to remove the guilt, the stain, of what we have become. He delights to do this...He's not waiting in anger to judge, no....He died with arms wide open, and heart exposed.
I repent and stand in the gap of what He created us to be, and what we have become. Jesus, have mercy and forgive my sin and the sins of my nation. God end abortion and send revival to America. Amen
Monday, July 5, 2010
Human Trafficking Prayer Meeting
Tonight was an awesome intercession time to end human slavery and trafficking. There is nothing that stirs my heart like this issue. I want to pray for it and I want somehow to work God's justice for it also. Praying He reveal that work to me. I'm so inadequate, but know He can equip and be my sufficiancy. Powerful, powerful evening.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Quotes from The Preacher: His Life and Work, by John Henry Jowett 1912
The first peril which I will name, and I name it first because it's touch is so fatal, is that of deadening familiarity with the sublime. You will not have been long in the ministry before you discover that it is possible to be fussily busy about the Holy Place and yet to lose the wondering sense of the Holy Lord.
We may be professors, but not pilgrims. Our studies may be workshops instead of "upper rooms."
We may become so absorbed in the words that we forget to eat the Word. And the consummation of the subtle peril may be this: We may come to assume that fine talk is fine living, that expository skill is deep piety, and while we are fondly hugging the non-essentials, the veritable essence escapes.
A man may live in the mountain country and lose all sense of the heights.
Our speech lacks a mysterious impressiveness. We are wordy but we are not mighty. We are eloquent but we do not persuade...we teach but we do not woo. We make a show of power but men do not move. Men come and go, they may be interested or amused, but they do not bow in penitent surrender at the feet of the Lord.
I am profoundly convinced that one of the gravest perils which beset the ministry of this country is a restless scattering of energies over an amazing multiplicity of interests, which leaves no margin of time or of strength for receptive and absorbing communion with God. We are tempted to be always 'on the run' and to measure our fruitfulness by our pace and by the ground we cover in the course of the week!
Gentlemen, we are not always doing the most business when we seem to be most busy. We may think we are truly busy when we are really only restless, and a little studied retirement would greatly enrich our returns. We are great only as we are God-possessed; and scrupulous appointments in the upper room with the Master will prepare us for the toil and hardships of the most strenuous campaign.
This really impacted me this morning....listening to 3 young students give a testimony about how God had healed them, all three creative miracles, and I sat there smiling thinking quietly...wow. Kind of like a "how nice" feeling. Talk about "deadening familiarity with the sublime" (or majestic!) I went forward as I realized, that in my time away, I had already become somewhat distanced in my spirit and had lost my facination with the heart of God. I want it back. I want to pay the price to see God's glory. I want to see His face. Lord, keep my heart here in the place where you are, so that when the worlds great need arises, I don't lose myself in ministry. One Thing...Your my One Thing.
We may be professors, but not pilgrims. Our studies may be workshops instead of "upper rooms."
We may become so absorbed in the words that we forget to eat the Word. And the consummation of the subtle peril may be this: We may come to assume that fine talk is fine living, that expository skill is deep piety, and while we are fondly hugging the non-essentials, the veritable essence escapes.
A man may live in the mountain country and lose all sense of the heights.
Our speech lacks a mysterious impressiveness. We are wordy but we are not mighty. We are eloquent but we do not persuade...we teach but we do not woo. We make a show of power but men do not move. Men come and go, they may be interested or amused, but they do not bow in penitent surrender at the feet of the Lord.
I am profoundly convinced that one of the gravest perils which beset the ministry of this country is a restless scattering of energies over an amazing multiplicity of interests, which leaves no margin of time or of strength for receptive and absorbing communion with God. We are tempted to be always 'on the run' and to measure our fruitfulness by our pace and by the ground we cover in the course of the week!
Gentlemen, we are not always doing the most business when we seem to be most busy. We may think we are truly busy when we are really only restless, and a little studied retirement would greatly enrich our returns. We are great only as we are God-possessed; and scrupulous appointments in the upper room with the Master will prepare us for the toil and hardships of the most strenuous campaign.
This really impacted me this morning....listening to 3 young students give a testimony about how God had healed them, all three creative miracles, and I sat there smiling thinking quietly...wow. Kind of like a "how nice" feeling. Talk about "deadening familiarity with the sublime" (or majestic!) I went forward as I realized, that in my time away, I had already become somewhat distanced in my spirit and had lost my facination with the heart of God. I want it back. I want to pay the price to see God's glory. I want to see His face. Lord, keep my heart here in the place where you are, so that when the worlds great need arises, I don't lose myself in ministry. One Thing...Your my One Thing.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Orientation
Just finished orientation, and they are chucking us right into the deep end. We will be serving Intro 1, in many capacities plus our own teaching time, Prayer Room time, and Awakening services. I will be serving on a ministry team each week at the Awakening services also. plus we have small group, and they would like us to lead another small group, which I am not willing to do right now. This is very different from the 1st half which was all receiving. Guess it's time to get to work!
Friday, July 2, 2010
A little fun break!
Brad and I decided on the spur of the moment to run down to Springfield to eat dinner and spend the night. We ate at Lamberts Cafe, famous for it's "throwed rolls."
The young guys who throw them, must all be baseball fanatics, because all you do is hold your hand up, and they will lob one right into it, even from across the room! No catching skills necessary!
We then decided since we were so close to go on down to Branson and see Noah's Ark, the musical, which I've wanted to see for a few years now. It is the Sight and Sound theater, with a 300ft. panoramic stage that looks like your inside the ark, with animals floor to ceiling, some real, some animatronic. They actually gave the gospel after the show, and spoke some very prophetic scripture, very appropriate for the time we live in. I was pleased it wasn't just entertainment, but had the truth in mind, and glorifying God as the end product. The trained animals were fun to watch, and the singing was great. What a nice break, before we dive into the second half of our training. We also have some hopeful news we may be qualified for unemployment! That weekly money will go a long way towards keeping us while we finish and move onto the next step, wherever that may be. Tomorrow is orientation day at noon, so onward and upward!
The young guys who throw them, must all be baseball fanatics, because all you do is hold your hand up, and they will lob one right into it, even from across the room! No catching skills necessary!
We then decided since we were so close to go on down to Branson and see Noah's Ark, the musical, which I've wanted to see for a few years now. It is the Sight and Sound theater, with a 300ft. panoramic stage that looks like your inside the ark, with animals floor to ceiling, some real, some animatronic. They actually gave the gospel after the show, and spoke some very prophetic scripture, very appropriate for the time we live in. I was pleased it wasn't just entertainment, but had the truth in mind, and glorifying God as the end product. The trained animals were fun to watch, and the singing was great. What a nice break, before we dive into the second half of our training. We also have some hopeful news we may be qualified for unemployment! That weekly money will go a long way towards keeping us while we finish and move onto the next step, wherever that may be. Tomorrow is orientation day at noon, so onward and upward!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
What else??
Brad and I had some prophetic ministry the other day. It was very encouraging. But one guy said to me, something about letting go of the old in order to receive the new. I immediately thought, man....what else can I let go of Lord??? A little pouty feeling arose. Well...I get to let go of my independence for one. Eli is flying in next week to drive my car back to Washington. I can't buy him a car of it's quality and mileage and he can't either till he gets a job, which he cannot do without a car!! Aiyiyi. So now I have no car. And I really felt pretty put out about it for a moment. Down right whiny even. And the food issue is the last frontier where my independence is concerned. The place where I really indulge myself. So take it all Lord. I know I will be happier, and I want that new wineskin...this one is feeling pretty stiff and out of shape. I'm ready to lose it, no matter how much I cry and drag my feet.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)