I love when God gives you a kiss...a blessing that sustains you until the next time you desperately need to see His hand in your life. I flew to Kansas City for a visit with Brad, and spent two nights at the Awakening meetings, hours and hours in the Global Prayer Room, and God knocked our socks off! We were so blessed we were weak in the knees! I received some beautiful prophetic promises to pray over, and just a deep touch on my heart from the Lord. Sometimes I really need the Lord to put the plumb line over my life and straighten my frame! He did that and more. His love and affection are becoming all I care about. For so long I was taught that God would fulfill me and help me find "my" purpose. But I'm realizing now, that my "purpose" is to fulfill HIS dreams. It's not about finding our 'sweet spot' and fulfilling ourselves. That is a by product of whole hearted pursuit and love of Jesus Christ. Matthew 6:33, Seek FIRST the kingdom of God and everything else will be added.....
It's true.
The first commandment is first.
One Thing I seek.......
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
The Four Letter Word...
Wait.
We are so anxious to do our thing, what we think is right, we have lost the art of waiting on the Lord. In fact, where I come from, it may BE a "four letter word."
Waiting may look like disobedience to some, and you just have to be ok with looking bad. I actually heard it preached once, that "God didn't want you to sit and pray, but to do." I know it wasn't meant to come out like that, but I cringed, and felt so condemned, even as I was trying to obey what I knew the Lord was saying to me personally.
"Wait... Wait on Me... I will open the doors... I will promote you... I want a people with no mixture...do not promote yourself, but wait.... Learn to delight in being hidden, in just being Mine... Do not let the criticism or praise of man touch you."
All these things and more I have heard for over 16 years.
Do you know what the waiting showed me? That I didn't fully understand the vision He gave me. That knowledge grew over the years. I would have, in my limited understanding 16 years ago, done things in my own wisdom and done them wrong. It would have been too small...too ego driven....too controlled...too programed. I would have been tempted to be proud, had I been able to build anything, not realizing that those who build without Him, labor in vain. I would have had a lamp, but no oil.
It would have burned, and the burning would have hurt others who I brought along and sold my vision to.
God is good. If we will wait...trust...for years if need be, what He builds, will stand, and nothing shall prevail against it. Our own motives have to be purified, and that takes a long time.
We need to pray for the Holy Spirit to come like Fire. Burn whatever hinders my love for the Lord, and hinders receiving His love for me.
No....wait is not a bad word....it's wisdom and it's evidence of trust and submission, which brings peace.
Maybe we need to pray.."teach me to wait."
I dare ya......
We are so anxious to do our thing, what we think is right, we have lost the art of waiting on the Lord. In fact, where I come from, it may BE a "four letter word."
Waiting may look like disobedience to some, and you just have to be ok with looking bad. I actually heard it preached once, that "God didn't want you to sit and pray, but to do." I know it wasn't meant to come out like that, but I cringed, and felt so condemned, even as I was trying to obey what I knew the Lord was saying to me personally.
"Wait... Wait on Me... I will open the doors... I will promote you... I want a people with no mixture...do not promote yourself, but wait.... Learn to delight in being hidden, in just being Mine... Do not let the criticism or praise of man touch you."
All these things and more I have heard for over 16 years.
Do you know what the waiting showed me? That I didn't fully understand the vision He gave me. That knowledge grew over the years. I would have, in my limited understanding 16 years ago, done things in my own wisdom and done them wrong. It would have been too small...too ego driven....too controlled...too programed. I would have been tempted to be proud, had I been able to build anything, not realizing that those who build without Him, labor in vain. I would have had a lamp, but no oil.
It would have burned, and the burning would have hurt others who I brought along and sold my vision to.
God is good. If we will wait...trust...for years if need be, what He builds, will stand, and nothing shall prevail against it. Our own motives have to be purified, and that takes a long time.
We need to pray for the Holy Spirit to come like Fire. Burn whatever hinders my love for the Lord, and hinders receiving His love for me.
No....wait is not a bad word....it's wisdom and it's evidence of trust and submission, which brings peace.
Maybe we need to pray.."teach me to wait."
I dare ya......
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Great Wait
Have you ever waited for an extended period of time on an appointment or for a contractor to come to your house? Wasn't that fun? (not)
Well, the instant I signed my "covenant" with God, He went underground. Oh, all of my ministry work went up like an explosion at a fireworks factory. He burned it thoroughly. Only in answer to my prayer He reminds me from time to time, when something else I attempt to do goes up in smoke.
He will let you build with wood, hay and stubble if you really want to. Usually we're building monuments to our self, and if that's our desire, God is a gentleman....he doesn't interfere.
As I learned to wait, which, no lie, has taken years, He worked underground where I couldn't see what He was doing. In fact, sometimes, I was afraid He had left altogether, though He promised not to leave me, ever, in His word. I had to believe that by faith. He would surface once in a while, encourage me with those little moments of love, and then silence again. I likened it to the Israelites in the desert. Follow the cloud by day, stop when it stops, move when it moves. I started learning what it was to obey, whether it makes sense or not. Good training for what's happening today, I suddenly realize!
The hardest though was waiting. Waiting to find "my" ministry. I had continued to sing for a while, and through a combination of things, left even that. I felt so empty. That was good. God wanted me so empty. I had filled myself with a lot of "good" stuff, and none of it Him. I, like the ten virgins in the story, I had a lamp but no oil.
He began to draw me to Himself. Intimacy is a word I heard again and again in my heart. He wanted intimacy with me. HE...was my portion, I'd read.
In His light though, all my sin really started to show up. Sitting in that Light, is like sitting under a microscope. In the reflection of His Holiness, your darkness really shows up glaringly clear. I didn't understand at the time, that God was revealing those things, not to condemn me, but to remove them. He can't remove what's wrong in our lives until we agree with Him that something is wrong. I thought He wanted me to "fix" it.
I want to short cut this process for you, so I break from the story....YOU don't "fix" anything. You take your head out of your rear, agree with God about what He is showing you, and you ask for forgiveness and say 'yes' to Him changing you. Then you hit "delete" and thank Him and move on. Amen!
HE changes your heart and desires, you just nod and agree. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
There is more to deliverance than just that, but that is the beginning.
My reality was I spent a few years scratching and digging myself till I bled in order to "find" all the sin. I was so freaked out by what God had shown me, the reality of my heart, and that it could be so deceived, that I wouldn't know. God is more merciful and gentle than we are however, and eventually, I learned to relax a little and go with the flow of things.
To stay at His feet takes a lot of focus and spiritual fight on our part. I'm not there even yet, though I am better.
It's not popular to wait in this age of the "just do it" mentality. The world AND the church is riddled with that attitude. Jesus wasn't. He only did what He saw the Father doing. How did He see that? By coming apart from others, and seeking His Father alone.
The Father can talk to us through people and situations and His word. But to really receive His love and the burden's of His heart, it takes time. Time spent with Him waiting. You won't win any awards with church folk for this stand. They have too much to do. But God's heart will be touched....if you just wait with Him. Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all else will be added to you. Matthew 6:33. Amen
Well, the instant I signed my "covenant" with God, He went underground. Oh, all of my ministry work went up like an explosion at a fireworks factory. He burned it thoroughly. Only in answer to my prayer He reminds me from time to time, when something else I attempt to do goes up in smoke.
He will let you build with wood, hay and stubble if you really want to. Usually we're building monuments to our self, and if that's our desire, God is a gentleman....he doesn't interfere.
As I learned to wait, which, no lie, has taken years, He worked underground where I couldn't see what He was doing. In fact, sometimes, I was afraid He had left altogether, though He promised not to leave me, ever, in His word. I had to believe that by faith. He would surface once in a while, encourage me with those little moments of love, and then silence again. I likened it to the Israelites in the desert. Follow the cloud by day, stop when it stops, move when it moves. I started learning what it was to obey, whether it makes sense or not. Good training for what's happening today, I suddenly realize!
The hardest though was waiting. Waiting to find "my" ministry. I had continued to sing for a while, and through a combination of things, left even that. I felt so empty. That was good. God wanted me so empty. I had filled myself with a lot of "good" stuff, and none of it Him. I, like the ten virgins in the story, I had a lamp but no oil.
He began to draw me to Himself. Intimacy is a word I heard again and again in my heart. He wanted intimacy with me. HE...was my portion, I'd read.
In His light though, all my sin really started to show up. Sitting in that Light, is like sitting under a microscope. In the reflection of His Holiness, your darkness really shows up glaringly clear. I didn't understand at the time, that God was revealing those things, not to condemn me, but to remove them. He can't remove what's wrong in our lives until we agree with Him that something is wrong. I thought He wanted me to "fix" it.
I want to short cut this process for you, so I break from the story....YOU don't "fix" anything. You take your head out of your rear, agree with God about what He is showing you, and you ask for forgiveness and say 'yes' to Him changing you. Then you hit "delete" and thank Him and move on. Amen!
HE changes your heart and desires, you just nod and agree. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
There is more to deliverance than just that, but that is the beginning.
My reality was I spent a few years scratching and digging myself till I bled in order to "find" all the sin. I was so freaked out by what God had shown me, the reality of my heart, and that it could be so deceived, that I wouldn't know. God is more merciful and gentle than we are however, and eventually, I learned to relax a little and go with the flow of things.
To stay at His feet takes a lot of focus and spiritual fight on our part. I'm not there even yet, though I am better.
It's not popular to wait in this age of the "just do it" mentality. The world AND the church is riddled with that attitude. Jesus wasn't. He only did what He saw the Father doing. How did He see that? By coming apart from others, and seeking His Father alone.
The Father can talk to us through people and situations and His word. But to really receive His love and the burden's of His heart, it takes time. Time spent with Him waiting. You won't win any awards with church folk for this stand. They have too much to do. But God's heart will be touched....if you just wait with Him. Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all else will be added to you. Matthew 6:33. Amen
Altars of Sacrifice
I was in lay pastor ministry in the early 90's. Compassion/Mercy being my first spiritual gift, it seemed like the natural thing really. And I loved it..in the beginning. But as I met with care receivers I was assigned to, week after week, I began to grow impatient. I heard the same thing every week. The person I was meeting with went home unburdened, but nothing changed. I began to realize they didn't want to. And I started to get aggravated. I was shocked at my impatience. Where was my compassion? I began to feel pressure in my spirit. Subtle at first, it began to increase. I began to get really uncomfortable over time, and finally one day, as I was pacing in my house crying out to God, I was literally backed into a corner in my kitchen. It was like God's big thumb cornered me and pressed down. I heard in my heart, "your righteousness is as a filthy rag."
I knew that was in the bible somewhere. I found it. Isaiah 64:6 - For all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy rag...and all of us wither like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.
I was shocked. I thought my ministry work was a Holy thing, a gift to the Lord. I didn't understand. I remember at the time, immediately after that crushing blow, I felt His love like I never had before. Later, that taught me to not fear the Lord's discipline. He poured out equal portions of love with His correction, so I was not utterly crushed by the revelation of my real motives. He showed me that I was serving in lay pastor ministry to get MY needs of being needed met. The ugly truth was, I felt just a wee bit superior when I was "helping" someone. And if that isn't enough to gag you, He showed me there was no real love at all for others, but it was a manifestation of love for myself, and a way to be in control.
When I saw all that, standing there with my head down, I thought...."who on earth can be saved." If my sin was so mixed in with my offerings to God, what could a person possibly do that was righteous? I was really mixed up with the grace of salvation, and works. But on the heel of those thoughts came the words into my heart, "with God, all things are possible." Jesus reference to the rich young ruler whose selfishness kept him from following Jesus.
The next thing I heard changed the course of my life forever. I'm not sure if it wasn't audible, although I think it was only spoken into my heart, but it was so loud and so clear, I've wondered ever since.
"Lay your desires, your ambitions and your dreams on the altar of sacrifice and I will have a feast for you there."He spoke to me telling me to go to 1 Corinthians 3:12-15. Just like that...1 Corinthians 3:12.....Now, if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay and straw, each man's work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man's work. If any man's work which he has built on it remains he will receive a reward. If any man's work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through the fire.I had this mental picture of myself shooting cartoon style, feet first, into heaven, patting the flames out on my behind! I didn't want to come to the Lord like that...I wanted to hear, "well done good and faithful servant!"
I asked the Lord right then, "can you burn up what is not of you now so that I don't suffer this loss later?"
Well....I like to say the answer was a FLAMING "Yes!!!"
I've been smelling smoke ever since.
I studied the altar in the temple where they sacrificed the animals. Part of the sacrifice was God's but there was also feasts, where the people shared in the meat that was cooked and partied! Now that had the ring of a promise to it! I felt a peace in my spirit and knew that God had something better than my dreams and ambitions. I remember having the image in my head of a contract. It was blank, and the Lord was asking that, in trust, I sign the contract giving Him complete control as to my future and destiny. I was giving up my rights to pursue what I wanted and exchanging it for His dreams, His ambitions and His desires. In my minds eye, I signed that contract, shaking a little... but I said yes.
Thus began, what I call, the "Great Wait" on God.
I knew that was in the bible somewhere. I found it. Isaiah 64:6 - For all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy rag...and all of us wither like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.
I was shocked. I thought my ministry work was a Holy thing, a gift to the Lord. I didn't understand. I remember at the time, immediately after that crushing blow, I felt His love like I never had before. Later, that taught me to not fear the Lord's discipline. He poured out equal portions of love with His correction, so I was not utterly crushed by the revelation of my real motives. He showed me that I was serving in lay pastor ministry to get MY needs of being needed met. The ugly truth was, I felt just a wee bit superior when I was "helping" someone. And if that isn't enough to gag you, He showed me there was no real love at all for others, but it was a manifestation of love for myself, and a way to be in control.
When I saw all that, standing there with my head down, I thought...."who on earth can be saved." If my sin was so mixed in with my offerings to God, what could a person possibly do that was righteous? I was really mixed up with the grace of salvation, and works. But on the heel of those thoughts came the words into my heart, "with God, all things are possible." Jesus reference to the rich young ruler whose selfishness kept him from following Jesus.
The next thing I heard changed the course of my life forever. I'm not sure if it wasn't audible, although I think it was only spoken into my heart, but it was so loud and so clear, I've wondered ever since.
"Lay your desires, your ambitions and your dreams on the altar of sacrifice and I will have a feast for you there."He spoke to me telling me to go to 1 Corinthians 3:12-15. Just like that...1 Corinthians 3:12.....Now, if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay and straw, each man's work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man's work. If any man's work which he has built on it remains he will receive a reward. If any man's work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through the fire.I had this mental picture of myself shooting cartoon style, feet first, into heaven, patting the flames out on my behind! I didn't want to come to the Lord like that...I wanted to hear, "well done good and faithful servant!"
I asked the Lord right then, "can you burn up what is not of you now so that I don't suffer this loss later?"
Well....I like to say the answer was a FLAMING "Yes!!!"
I've been smelling smoke ever since.
I studied the altar in the temple where they sacrificed the animals. Part of the sacrifice was God's but there was also feasts, where the people shared in the meat that was cooked and partied! Now that had the ring of a promise to it! I felt a peace in my spirit and knew that God had something better than my dreams and ambitions. I remember having the image in my head of a contract. It was blank, and the Lord was asking that, in trust, I sign the contract giving Him complete control as to my future and destiny. I was giving up my rights to pursue what I wanted and exchanging it for His dreams, His ambitions and His desires. In my minds eye, I signed that contract, shaking a little... but I said yes.
Thus began, what I call, the "Great Wait" on God.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Made for Prayer
In the early 80's, we were living in Florida. Brad had went to the local pier to fish one evening. He called me at home sometime after 11pm to say the fish weren't biting, and he was heading home. This was before the days of cellphones so he actually went to a pay phone to call. The instant I hung up the phone, I felt a heaviness and a chill..why did he call to tell me he was coming home? He had never done that. I decided to pray, time him, and if he wasn't home in the appropriate amount of time, I would go look for him. I just felt something was wrong. Mentally I charted his route home....turn by turn coming from the Island and prayed for his safety. About the time I felt he should be getting close, I heard a car up the street begin to rev its engine. Next I heard tires squealing and the car began to accelerate, roaring past our street. I suddenly realized that this was what I was praying for. I wish I could say I stood in faith, since the Lord had seen fit to warn me, but the reality is I crouched to the floor with my hands over my ears waiting for the sound of the impact and tearing metal. I heard the racing car hit the brakes and the tires began to scream, as the driver tried to stop. It seemed like forever and then there was just silence. A minute later, Brad's headlights showed in the driveway. I ran out to ask what happened, and he told me the guy in the racing car tried to stop at the intersection and couldn't. He slid across the street and into a Church parking lot, spinning completely around before he came to a rest. Brad said the intersection light had suddenly turned red, and he had to jam on his brakes to stop in time, and almost the same instant the other guy flew through the intersection. That would have been enough of a miracle for me, but there's more. The traffic light that turned red, was cycled off at night and only flashed yellow after 11pm.
When Jesus was in the garden, He took only 3 of the disciples, Peter, James and John, with Him, to His place of sorrow. The rest he told to stay behind. Now think about this....Jesus is not partial...He loves everyone. He's not envious or jealous...but He is looking for those who will wait with Him. Jesus lives to make intercession for us, the Word says. Even now....Jesus is interceding.
I want to be one of those He calls "friend." Intimate. Part of the company He says to, "Come with me." One who waits with Him in both joy and sorrow. I don't ever want Jesus to weep alone, and I want the joy of laughing with Him for sure! But like all three men, I fail. I doze off, not understanding the importance most of the time, of the moment where His heart stirs mine and calls me to Himself. This is intercession. Not our puny compassion's, and sorrows, but His, imparted to me to share in. Not my little ideas and grandiose thoughts, but His plan, purpose and will downloaded into my spirit. Our prayers are mixed together, calling forth the things that are not as though they are. Healing the sick and raising the dead. Giving sight to the blind and opening the ears of the deaf....if I will only wait...Lord, give me the grace to wait.
When Jesus was in the garden, He took only 3 of the disciples, Peter, James and John, with Him, to His place of sorrow. The rest he told to stay behind. Now think about this....Jesus is not partial...He loves everyone. He's not envious or jealous...but He is looking for those who will wait with Him. Jesus lives to make intercession for us, the Word says. Even now....Jesus is interceding.
I want to be one of those He calls "friend." Intimate. Part of the company He says to, "Come with me." One who waits with Him in both joy and sorrow. I don't ever want Jesus to weep alone, and I want the joy of laughing with Him for sure! But like all three men, I fail. I doze off, not understanding the importance most of the time, of the moment where His heart stirs mine and calls me to Himself. This is intercession. Not our puny compassion's, and sorrows, but His, imparted to me to share in. Not my little ideas and grandiose thoughts, but His plan, purpose and will downloaded into my spirit. Our prayers are mixed together, calling forth the things that are not as though they are. Healing the sick and raising the dead. Giving sight to the blind and opening the ears of the deaf....if I will only wait...Lord, give me the grace to wait.
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