Meltdown

Had a meltdown today. Couldn't make myself get up go to class...prayer room, or group. Just wanted to be alone, and so tired. SO tired. Our leaders call this "drinking from the fire hydrant" and now I see why. The intensity, shear volume of information, and presence of God all work to create quite a shift from my normal daily life. I slept till 1pm...(I'm embarrassed...felt like such a slug) and got up, putzed around the apartment, cleaning a little, did my laundry which was nice with everyone out of our building. Worked on my homework assignment for tomorrow which is an Apostolic prayer from Ephesians 3:16 - 19;
...that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth, and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.
As I meditated on this scripture, I realized that in the traditional church, we don't like emotion. Just give me the facts...the written truth and I can make a decision based on that. And those of us who have broken loose from the institutional church, have merely moved into polite, sophisticated gladness. But God is emotional. And He wants us to experience His love through His word, and His care for our lives, but also through our emotions, feeling His love for us. We can't live on emotion, but its an important part of any relationship, and you can't refuse to include it in your relationship with Him. What gives Him joy and pleasure, should give us joy and pleasure, what hurts Him, should hurt us. And most importantly...we need to feel His pleasure for us. You were made to dance, shout, wail, and mourn.
He's not talking the facts in this prayer...He's talking feeling....the breadth, width, depth and height of His love. To be rooted and grounded in THAT...that will fill up what is lacking in love in our hearts, both for God and people, to say nothing about also giving us confidence in His love for us. This emotional connection surpasses knowledge. It's intimacy.
What a powerful prayer to pray for someone, especially the church in this day. As we approach the time when Jesus is coming back, this heart connection will be more and more important. The facts will not hold you steady...it's His love for you and your love for Him.
This is going round and round in my head....so though I skipped school...and did nothing major for God today, I have felt His pleasure. It was just me and Him, on our "luxurious couch." (Songs 1:16)
This was my prayer all day yesterday...Songs 1:1-4
May He kiss me with the kisses of His mouth! (His word)
For your love is better than wine.
Your oils have a pleasing fragrance (oil speaks of the Holy Spirit and our relationship)
Your name is like purified oil; Therefore the maidens love you.
Draw me after you and let us run together!
The King has brought me into His chambers.

Praying for a good soak in His love for you all.....