Wolves in Sheeps Clothing and the Charismatic Movement

So, the Lord has heard their cry's. The cry's of those traumatized, spiritually, physically and mentally and emotionally, by the false prophets of the Charismatic movement. I'm not sure if He's exposing them, or in their pride, narcissism, and arrogance, they have simply undone themselves. 'But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, (narcissists) lovers of money, (unfettered greed) boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, (no empathy for those they use/abuse) unforgiving,(persecuting those who expose or question them) slanderous, (accusing them by twisting scriptures or repeating gossip) without self control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God - having a form of godliness but denying its power. (The power of God is for transformation, it's to change our hearts.) Have nothing to do with such people. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over (gullible)* women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires. (The perps, not the women) always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these teachers oppose the truth. They are men of depraved minds, who as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. (The disqualify themselves) But they will not get very far because as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone." 2 Tim 3 So much to unpack there, I leave you to Jesus to do it. We're talking about the church here, not the world. Our own. The wolves we have allowed to be among the sheep because to out them might cause us what? Pain? Discomfort? Embarrassment? Scandal? Or loss. Of Ministry. Power. Control. Paychecks. Influence. Position. I confess I ran away. I came out of cover culture. Anytime I tried to hold people accountable, I was either laughed at, despised, accused or judged. I felt powerless. And sometimes I felt crazy. When everyone is going one way, and your the only one who seems to be going the other. ( it appeared that way at the time, but there were others, but because we a shamed into silence it took a while to find each other.) I tried to care for the abused, but in the end, I should have turned that church upside down publicly, when I saw they were not going to do the right thing. Honestly, at the time, I wasn't even sure they were wrong. I was so used to submitting. I just couldn't live with it myself. So, I left. Lots of reasons, none good enough, without confrontation. I loved many people there. The good and not so good, in retrospect. But just people, thinking they were serving Jesus. Twisted in theology due to teachers, pastors and prophets like these, and in some cases these exact people. Bethel, IHOP, Daystar. I'm thankful to be free. Free to think, question, and engage Jesus without the hoops of religion. If anyone wants to process the journey, I'm happy to come alongside. What I'm not interested in is argueing or trying to convince people of what I've seen and experienced. Happy to let you believe whatever you want. But if the cognitive dissonance is loud, and you have questions, be free. No shame and cover culture here. And the Father isn't afraid of questions either, nor does it make him angry. Stop, relax into his love, and let him gently untangle you. His Perfect love casts out fear. Praying for you all. I have an asterisk by the word gullible. In the KJV it says silly. I wondered what the root of these meanings were, or if it was simply derogative because of the time these were written, when women weren't highly valued. As near as I can tell, one is literal "wife" but to take the idea back further, the root word, which means foolish, which in one iteration is the word captive, or enslaved. This makes sense because as we now know, pyschologically, these men and women in some cases end up having a psychological hold on their victims, even when they are exposed. It can take years of therapy, and deprograming to get free of this psychological bondage. It doesn't make sense to those looking at the outside, but to those of who have experienced it, it is very real and difficult to overcome. Some never recover. Gullible to me is not a word I would use today. Vulnerable might be. Undiscerning, or ignorant even, in the truest sense of the word. Prime reason to learn to guard your heart. There are wolves out there. And they look harmless and more...they can look Godly. Beware.

Feral Faithful

I was talking to a friend who told me a previous church associate we had been in leadership with had defined those of us who had left and were "deconstructing" ( a term I don't usually use because it has become yet another organized church in some cases ) she defined deconstructors, as people who had rejected Christ, rejected christianity, and were lost. I beg to differ. Especially since I am living this and she didn't bother to ask, but defined it in her imagination, or was repeating what she had been taught more likely. There are some people, when injured by their institution and the relationships in it, who lose their faith. I tend to see them as those who had put their trust in the people, rather than Jesus. And when they fail, or at worst, abuse, its justifiably devastating. But rather than see God had nothing to do with it, is apart from it, and is not approving it, they throw it all out as fake. The trust was in humans, not God. Which should make christians sit up and take notice and wonder why they can't love, but usually just makes them judge the the wounded one harder and declare them "lost." I call myself feral. Partly as a joke, and partly because it has a definition I can live with. Jesus found me out in the wild. I did not know his love and then He loved me and drew me into this amazing relationship teaching me to trust him. Then came the attendance to an institution in His name. Which is great kindergarten. You can learn a lot in a church if they are teaching you to trust and follow him, and not build their ministry. You can find support, fellowship, and help in times of trouble. Or you can find, in the wrong place, legalism, performance, and conformity, which can get you off into the weeds of psuedo christianity. Feral is an animal no longer in captivity after being domesticated. That seemed to fit. I am no longer wild. Ive been changed. But I have escaped captivity to religion and am living by invitation in a different state than Christian domestication. Because christianity, when misguided, can be all things religious. Instead of beinging freedom it will bring slavery, to principals, ministries, human leaders. At its best, it teaches to follow Jesus, the Holy Spirit, a good Father, and a JUST love. Meaning, it will make you a JUST human. Look up the word just, and flesh that out a little. That word is substituted in the bible for righteousness. And that word does not convey the fullness of what God was having written by the authors. It is a poor interpretation for the word just. So I haven't lost my faith. I am not lost. I found a pearl. And I lost everything to get it. I lost fellowship, my safety net, the approval of my institution. I lost support, and the understanding of brothers and sisters who are afraid to question what they believe. Its ok to do that. God does not get mad, many human leaders will. If your following and listening to Jesus, he will not lead you into the weeds, he will lead you out. My relationship and my trust in him deepened, it did not diminish. It was hard, and it was lonely for a good while. It was confusing. Because I had to untangle from a lot of bad theology, and religious training that did not serve me or those I needed to love. There is a "church" out here in the wild. It is beautiful, and I believe it to be the Bride I wanted to see before I die, prayed to see before I die. I don't hate institutional Christianity. I believe in many many cases it is sick. I had what I call a vision, for lack of a better non religious term, years ago. I was in church during worship, and it was like a window opened. I saw what can be described as a battlefield hospital, reminiscent of the scene in Gone with the Wind, where the camera slowly pans out and you see more and more walking wounded and dying people, until thats all you see in the field of vision. Thousands upon thousands of dead and dying. At the time, I thought it was the world, outside christianity, and the church was not ready for what was coming to us. And that may still be true in one sense. They want people to come in and conform, clean up, serve the mininsty. They aren't ready for severly broken and wounded people. But I actually believe now, I was seeing the church itself. I mean those who follow Jesus. Those who believe. We are the church, not a building. Not an org. I call those institutions. Humans, are the church. The church is not healthy. We are putrid with wounds, crippled. Not ALL institutions. Not ALL believers. But much of western Christianity is ill. Bent. In the weeds. Enter the narrow gate. Its better to squeeze through that naked, with nothing, losing it all, than keeping what you cant keep anyway. Position, power, salary's, approval and esteem of man. If your in a good institution, thats teaching "just" love, to follow Jesus, not man or ministry. Thats teaching you to follow Holy Spirit, not perform, teaching you to NOT NEED THEM to have a relationship with Jesus, be grateful. These words aren't for you. But at least ask Him if thats true. We don't know what we don't know, till He opens our eyes. And if not, don't be afraid to become the feral faithful.

Joy and Pain

I was listening to Dear Younger Me, by Mercy Me. It got stuck on my phone and wouldn't advance so figured God was wanting me to pay attention. What caught my attention... " If I had known then, what I know now, the condemnation would have had no power My Joy my Pain would have never been my worth." What caught my attention was the word Joy. Or lack thereof. I had a friend who constantly said when she got something she wanted, "I'm so blessed." I had to grit my teeth. Christians are taught to do that. We think giving "glory to God" is pleasing to him. Here's my perspective. So the person struggling with depression..or the mother who lost a child...or the kid struggling at school...they aren't blessed? So what are they? Cursed? Is God mad at them? Ignoring them? Teaching them a lesson? I think Christians have just found a way to sanction their bragging, by giving him credit. Thank God in your closet. Make it a sweet moment between the two of you, instead of an occasion to make your neighbor wonder why God isn't blessing them. But I digress....how are we defined by joy? I understood being defined by pain. I'm familiar. But joy? Who wouldn't want to be defined by that?? I realized that's even worse....if we are defined by our levels of joy, what does it say when it's absent? What is wrong with the Christian who is not living in joy? It's an expectation that has landed on believers like flies on...well, you know what. When, oh when, will christians stop being fake? Let me see the day Lord. You know what? Life is hard. For everyone. Christians aren't magically protected. He never promised we would be. You can find scriptures and take them out of context and make them say that. But it's not true. He will be with you, and won't leave you. That you can count on. So lets reframe that. (Outside of consequences of stupid behavior) I can and might get cancer or some other life altering event that causes pain, or hardship or even death. It doesn't mean I'm not blessed. It doesn't mean God is trying to teach me something, or I'm cursed. It's not a spiritual attack. It's because I live in a broken world, full of sin and disease, that is slowly passing away. This isn't what God originally planned, or what he has prepared for us in the future. But it's right now. And if the worst happens, he will not leave me or forsake me. He will go through with me. Even to the end. He will not heal me if I find the right key, the right words, enough faith, enough prayers, the right prayers, a complete lack of doubt. He heals, so I ask. But it's not a statement of my spiritual health if it doesn't happen. Faith, is in a person, not outcomes. If my faith is in outcomes, it's not faith in God. My trust needs to be in Him and his love alone. I'm preaching to myself. Sometimes these things swirl around in my head, and writing them down helps me write them on my heart where I can cling to them in real life. I so don't want to teach anymore, but simply share my life, and listen to how God does it in others.

Existential Do Over

I've decided to have a do-over instead of a crisis. Or I guess, technically, I've already had the crisis. Or am in it. I don't know. Don't care. And I think some reframing is necessary. Western Christianity looks a lot like the Deuteronomy of ancient Judaism at times. Do good, get good, do bad get bad. But I see God trying to reframe how we view scripture. Don't freak out. Just think. Most Christians I know, view the New Testament through the lens of the old. They frame it through the ancient traditions and beliefs that Jesus died to change. They believe it's foundation is Judaism. The Foundation is a person. Not a religion. The Apostles and Paul himself, the Pharisee of Pharisee's did not live as observant Jews after meeting Jesus. In fact Paul called Peter on his crap when he was caught acting all Jewish with the Jews. I get that fear of disapproval. It's hard to fight, when it means people will write you off, talk bad about you, reject you. And we're talking men who lived with Jesus, while we're having to do it by faith. So if it was hard for them, why should I be ashamed? It simply speaks to the shaming, fear based principals used in religion to keep people in line and assimulating into a rigid belief system. I remember being afraid to be free...afraid nothing would censor my behavior. I would sin without care. Listen, love is a way better motivator than fear. The more I understand how loved I am...the less appeal sin has. I make mistakes. But I'm not looking for what I can get away with, or the loophole in the contract. And with love at my back, I can allow myself to make mistakes without condemnation. Wow...does that make life easier and better. So lets, for experiemental purposes reframe the Old Testament, and look at that through the lens of the New Testament. How would that influence your thought? How would it reframe your understanding of what your reading? This is how it has reframed my understanding. The Old Testament, while important, should be read primarily as a story, showing the arc of how God is interacting and loving humanity. He is often misunderstood by ancient cultures. He is patient with them, moving them along this arc in ways they are able to understand. They consistently ritualize their interaction with Him, instead of the personal relationship he wants to have, preferring intermediary's rather than being in too close proximity. Sound familiar? Sunday morning ritual, preachers telling you what he wants, who to serve, what to think. Will we ever learn? Fear, is what keeps them from him. Fear, is what kept Adam and Eve from running to him, after sinning, and hiding instead. Even David, in his love, creates a system, an elaborate one to somehow show God his love and honor him. To show his worth in the world. We somehow think God honored all these things. That it was what he wanted. And yet, no temple stands. I was in Jerusalem at the wailing wall once. I got my turn, and put a prayer in the cracks, something I regret participating in now, and my pack touched the wall. An old woman, angrily wiped off my touch, and kissed her hands. I wasn't offended. I understood her religious idea. But it's stone. It's not "holy". But they still want what they want. God to sanction them as HIS people, casting his approval, and theirfore blessing, and to have his power available again as it once was. Jesus wept over that city. And as he said...not one stone of that temple was left. It doesn't matter...they just chose what's left standing, the Western Wall, that was closest to the temple. Stubbornly clinging to their own understanding. Lets not do that. Lets not cling to what we know out of fear. Or because we want what we want.

The Pearl

I've been processing my life the last couple years. It's not been fun. I don't know if this is what mid life crisis feels like, but disillusionment and regret sum it up. I remember writing, "..why couldn't I be satisfied like everyone else, with going to church a couple times a week, serving there and going home and having a life. Why did I HAVE to KNOW God...not just be content to be with him.." I was driving a couple weeks ago and heard that familiar gentle if pithy voice. "So, you said you wanted to know me, no matter the cost, and now your mad because it cost you everything?" I'm so dull, many times I have entire conversations with him and don't realize it till it's over. But I was aware of what was happening. I was tempted to feel the old shame, and immediately knew that was not what he wanted, and indeed think he simply lifted it off. He wanted to process. Shame shuts that down. Which is why it's such an ineffective tool for behavioral change. So I decided to sit with him in that question. I do remember desperately wanting to know him. I'd been in church for 20-30 years total, and still didn't feel like I really KNEW him. I served him....constantly. I desperately wanted his attention and love and I wanted to love him more than anything. I thought giving up everything and serving him would be the path to the life I wanted. A deeply connected relationship with him. Fast forward and here I am at 60, horribly depressed about my life, though curiously at peace with God. How does that work?? Of course, 2 weeks down that road I'm still processing the question, but part of it has to do with approaching retirement age with what appears to be maybe some hardship. We were never really fully funded for mission work, so we weren't like professional missionaries fully funded and supported through a denomination. So we lost some retirement, but that's mostly been made up the last 5 years, but having to start over with a house payment, is hard. Most people have their home paid for, so they can live on fixed income a little easier. I never worked anywhere that gave retirement. I spend many years at home raising my kids, then owned my own business for 12 years before leaving for missions. It all suddenly seemed so foolish. Stupid. I never had the thought we would ever come home and live normal lives again. But here we are. Looking at a retirement that may be severly restricted, at least according to most of our age groups standards. No world travel....no yearly vacations possibly. No dreams left. That's the worst. And there are things I can't share here....hard things that drag my soul down and create misery. So I thought what was it all for? Did I only do it because I thought I would get blessed? Who knows...our hearts are such a mixture. All I can do is invite him into whatever sin, pain or shame I find. But I had to answer the question. Was I mad, because finding him cost me everything? No. I'm mad about a whole lot of things...but ultimately I got what I wanted. Him. It was always him. And there are depths to be plumbed I will never find in this lifetime. But I found the real Jesus. Not the Jesus of my parents...of any man's filter...of western Christianity, or Evangelical Christianity, of any religous filter....I found the man. And a Father whose heart was not rage, but love. I got the Pearl. It was worth selling all I had. Even if I have to sit in the consequences of buying it. So edit out that regret. I also realize, the way humans tend to frame life. Feels good, it's good. Feels bad it's bad. Not true. Maybe that's what midlife crisis is really about. Reframing your life. Figuring out what works, what doesn't. Being with those who love you, not convincing those who don't. Relaxing into the love of the Creator, instead of jumping through religous hoops to perform for him. It's a time of grace.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s letter from the Birmingham City Jail - 1963

Worth the read and the least you can do today, to honor the injustice, and his Godly fight to secure what most Americans already enjoy as a right and privilege. http://okra.stanford.edu/transcription/document_images/undecided/630416-019.pdf

We The Kingdom - Dancing On The Waves (Acoustic)