I reveled in the love of God, with a grateful and happy heart until I was told by Christians how to be a "good" Christian. Thus, began a 33 year journey to get sin out of my life and more of God in.
I'm going to save somebody a whole lot of pain and suffering here....so listen up. You can't GET any more of God, than you already have. What the cross accomplished was complete. So stop.
What's more, he never expected you to fix yourself and THEN he would come be with you, or give you some sort of spiritual promotion. He is with you. Utterly. Good or bad.
I was recently listening to a podcast which gave the suggestion, instead of trying to fix myself, invite God into my sin, shame and pain.
I had the thought..."why would he want to be with me there?"
Ewww.....what's that smell.....religion!!!!!
Our God is a relational Father. Of course he wants to be with you as you struggle to let go of all that keeps you from being you. I'm convinced he loves this process!
I had been fighting my battles pretty much alone my entire spiritual lifetime. I prayed as an orphan, begging God to strengthen me...help me...heal me.
Well...he can do those things...but what I think he really wants, is to hold hands and go through together. We want miracles, he wants relationship. We want power, he wants us to experience his love.
So on a long drive one day, I invited God into every area of sin, shame and pain I could think of. Every thing I have struggled with personally, every impossible situation that can't be "fixed", all that I have carried through life thinking it was my responsibility to find answers with my due diligence. And I let go of it....I admitted defeat.
When I was done, I was exhausted.
I was in the midst of some very deep depression, and it did not lift. That didn't seem right...but I decided to try and rest and trust anyway. I don't know how much time passed ...maybe a week or two, before I became acutely aware of his presence with me. I also realized he was just being with me. Not asking me to be grateful....joyful...all the Christian answers to depression...but just loving me and being with me. As I relaxed into that love, over time...I began to feel better. I did not have to perform in order to get his help. Peace settled, even in the midst of the depression! That makes NO sense! But it's the way it has been. Just love. I'm not being stirred up emotionally to "feel" his love....it's his experiential love completely apart from me and anything I do. I hope as I learn, I will find language to articulate better what I only sense for the most part. I wasn't reading my bible, or studying ( up until about a month ago, I hadn't read or studied for about two years, and I'm barely reading now..) I haven't been worshipping, I don't go to church. To the outside eye...I'm doing nothing "right." But I had 35 years of "right" that brought no lasting heart change. I've decided as far as I am humanly able, to let God be God and trust.
I didn't realize how tired I was. How disillusioned. Disappointed. Sad. And yes, at times angry. There is a place for that.
Now...I feel at peace and a feeling of maybe what it felt like to lean back on Jesus shoulder as John did. I still have depression some days...but I'm rolling with it, and he is with me. I'm going to be ok. We're all going to be ok.
Relax. He has you. Experiment with that. Let go of the fear, and relax. But don't believe me....ask Him.
Saturday, September 30, 2017
Metanoeo'
Matthew 4:17 Jesus began to proclaim his message with these words: "Keep turning away from your sins and come back to God, for heaven's kingdom realm is now accessible." TPT
I'm no scholar. But Brad bought me a computer bible program a long time ago that gave me every biblical resource you could want, and to my utter delight, I found the Interlinear bible. To be able to translate any word directly from the Greek or Hebrew as it is written in the document, with nothing added for sentence structure and readability, was to me a big AHA!
It changes things....because when you are listening to platform ministry...if those people aren't doing their due diligence...you may be getting not just a poor interpretation but a false teaching all together.
While we say the Bible is the infallible word of God....man's interpretations of it do not fall into that category. Not every interpretation is valid.
So when someone says..CLEARLY....the word of God says....heads up! Because your about to possibly get an opinion, or rhetoric, or worse. (I am finding that real students of the word and those who have become free of the "system" don't usually do that anymore....demand others believe what we are saying. There are some very clear things in the bible...I believe that. But there is room for the full spectrum of God's DNA to express itself as well. Religion at its worst fears questioning the word. I'm not afraid, because I know my Father, and he is glad to answer those questions and isn't offended at all.
So In other words....just think. I recently relearned how to think....it takes some energy. It's easier listening to men.
Sit in 1 John 2:27 a minute.
"But the wonderful anointing you have received from God is so much greater than their deception and now lives in you. There's no need for anyone to keep teaching you. His anointing teaches you all that you need to know, for it will lead you into truth not a counterfeit. So just as the anointing has taught you, remain in him." TPT
He's got you.
All that to prepare the way for the word Metanoeo'. Repent.
I was taught that repent meant, acknowledging your sin, making a decision not to do it again.....(good luck with that in the old nature) and turning to God for cleansing of it.
In reality, I think it's about a decision to think differently. An invitation to ask Abba what he thinks, and an opportunity to change my mind and allow love to have its way a little deeper. I'm not sure that Mr. King James gave such a great interpretation on that word. Penitence carries with it the idea that we should be expressing remorse....sorrowing....demonstrating in some way that we understand how wrong we are, and how right God is. It sounds good doesn't it? But Jesus hasn't died yet....there isn't a savior or salvation to accept yet....I think he is paving the way for them to begin to think outide the religious system they were under which is you pay for your sins with sacrifices and offerings. I think he was saying....turn away from the system and here I am in your midst...I'm at hand. God has come to live with you so you really know who he is.
I'm not saying sin away without feeling regret. It's not about that at all. I'm saying turn from a system to a relationship. Christianity has become another religious system. It's Christian Judaism.
(Oh no she didn't!!!!!)
Tell me....why out of 613 commandments do we only pay attention to a few? Oh, we're not under the law? Then why do you tithe 10%...or more. That wasn't what the early church did. They simply became a family and held everything in common. You weren't compelled to give. You gave as you saw need.
Now we have brick and mortar to maintain. Electric bills and programs, expensive sound systems, and employees. Bookstores and coffee shops. It's the temple all over again. You have to pay to get well.
Again...God works through our imperfect little selves. If it works for you, stay and enjoy it. I'm actually happy when people are able to do that. But don't be afraid not to do that if you aren't thriving.
The "church" is people. Not a building.
For me...I can't deal with the agenda anymore. We love you in order to get you to say a prayer and join us, and then you can be as miserable as the rest of us who have to fix ourselves. Yay!!!
Doesn't sound like good news to me.
How about if we just throw love around more indiscriminately!!! Oooooo.....
But what if their....SINNERS! All the more fun! They will never expect the church to LOVE them! Who does that!? SURPRISE SINNERS!!!!
I'm in a grand experiment. I'm going to just love. Not in order to get them saved. Because in my heart...I know, when people experience real love without manipulation...agendas...eventually, they will know I have a secret weapon and ask me for it, or God will simply break in just like he did for me in my living room, 36 years ago. Jesus was the express image of God, and we are the image of Christ in the world.
I don't ever want anyone to feel like a project. How demeaning is that? I will make a friend. Where that goes is up to the Father, not me.
I'm not looking for people to love either....God will bring them across my path when he's good and ready, and I have enough family and friends to love in the meantime, that I don't love nearly well enough now. What?? My mom and dad are my congregation? My family? My friends? My co workers? The Dr. who cares for me...the lady who cuts my hair? The guy who mows my lawn???
They are all my congregation. And those that don't deserve it in your religious book? Love THEM the HARDEST. Don't make them a project. Make a friend and let love speak.
I'm no scholar. But Brad bought me a computer bible program a long time ago that gave me every biblical resource you could want, and to my utter delight, I found the Interlinear bible. To be able to translate any word directly from the Greek or Hebrew as it is written in the document, with nothing added for sentence structure and readability, was to me a big AHA!
It changes things....because when you are listening to platform ministry...if those people aren't doing their due diligence...you may be getting not just a poor interpretation but a false teaching all together.
While we say the Bible is the infallible word of God....man's interpretations of it do not fall into that category. Not every interpretation is valid.
So when someone says..CLEARLY....the word of God says....heads up! Because your about to possibly get an opinion, or rhetoric, or worse. (I am finding that real students of the word and those who have become free of the "system" don't usually do that anymore....demand others believe what we are saying. There are some very clear things in the bible...I believe that. But there is room for the full spectrum of God's DNA to express itself as well. Religion at its worst fears questioning the word. I'm not afraid, because I know my Father, and he is glad to answer those questions and isn't offended at all.
So In other words....just think. I recently relearned how to think....it takes some energy. It's easier listening to men.
Sit in 1 John 2:27 a minute.
"But the wonderful anointing you have received from God is so much greater than their deception and now lives in you. There's no need for anyone to keep teaching you. His anointing teaches you all that you need to know, for it will lead you into truth not a counterfeit. So just as the anointing has taught you, remain in him." TPT
He's got you.
All that to prepare the way for the word Metanoeo'. Repent.
I was taught that repent meant, acknowledging your sin, making a decision not to do it again.....(good luck with that in the old nature) and turning to God for cleansing of it.
In reality, I think it's about a decision to think differently. An invitation to ask Abba what he thinks, and an opportunity to change my mind and allow love to have its way a little deeper. I'm not sure that Mr. King James gave such a great interpretation on that word. Penitence carries with it the idea that we should be expressing remorse....sorrowing....demonstrating in some way that we understand how wrong we are, and how right God is. It sounds good doesn't it? But Jesus hasn't died yet....there isn't a savior or salvation to accept yet....I think he is paving the way for them to begin to think outide the religious system they were under which is you pay for your sins with sacrifices and offerings. I think he was saying....turn away from the system and here I am in your midst...I'm at hand. God has come to live with you so you really know who he is.
I'm not saying sin away without feeling regret. It's not about that at all. I'm saying turn from a system to a relationship. Christianity has become another religious system. It's Christian Judaism.
(Oh no she didn't!!!!!)
Tell me....why out of 613 commandments do we only pay attention to a few? Oh, we're not under the law? Then why do you tithe 10%...or more. That wasn't what the early church did. They simply became a family and held everything in common. You weren't compelled to give. You gave as you saw need.
Now we have brick and mortar to maintain. Electric bills and programs, expensive sound systems, and employees. Bookstores and coffee shops. It's the temple all over again. You have to pay to get well.
Again...God works through our imperfect little selves. If it works for you, stay and enjoy it. I'm actually happy when people are able to do that. But don't be afraid not to do that if you aren't thriving.
The "church" is people. Not a building.
For me...I can't deal with the agenda anymore. We love you in order to get you to say a prayer and join us, and then you can be as miserable as the rest of us who have to fix ourselves. Yay!!!
Doesn't sound like good news to me.
How about if we just throw love around more indiscriminately!!! Oooooo.....
But what if their....SINNERS! All the more fun! They will never expect the church to LOVE them! Who does that!? SURPRISE SINNERS!!!!
I'm in a grand experiment. I'm going to just love. Not in order to get them saved. Because in my heart...I know, when people experience real love without manipulation...agendas...eventually, they will know I have a secret weapon and ask me for it, or God will simply break in just like he did for me in my living room, 36 years ago. Jesus was the express image of God, and we are the image of Christ in the world.
I don't ever want anyone to feel like a project. How demeaning is that? I will make a friend. Where that goes is up to the Father, not me.
I'm not looking for people to love either....God will bring them across my path when he's good and ready, and I have enough family and friends to love in the meantime, that I don't love nearly well enough now. What?? My mom and dad are my congregation? My family? My friends? My co workers? The Dr. who cares for me...the lady who cuts my hair? The guy who mows my lawn???
They are all my congregation. And those that don't deserve it in your religious book? Love THEM the HARDEST. Don't make them a project. Make a friend and let love speak.
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