Day 2 in KC

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huh...wha????

K.C. at last....

Finally arrived in Kansas City today. I can't believe it. I'm not quite here mentally yet. It will take some time to adjust this time, realizing I don't have to go home in a week or month. I'm getting settled into our temporary home, but am so tired decided to quit, post a few lines, and just rest. Stayed with some old friends in St. Louis last night, which was fun and a nice break. The last week has been hell. Temperature's in the 90's, humidity you could cut with a knife, packing, separating, loads going off in 4 directions. 1 to Gwen's for auction, several loads to my brother's for storage, 3 loads to the dump, and packed my trailer to store at Dad's. I don't think I could have lasted another day. Then the goodbye's....which I cry when I leave for vacation, let alone for 6 months! I thought I counted the cost of this, but I guess you really can't foresee it all. I'm excited about what God's doing, even in the midst of painful changes anyway. Looking forward to what the next 6 months bring. I keep thinking...I sold my house...we quit our jobs.....still surreal.
Checked out the Mercy Ship Disaster Response, on line today and sent for information. Not sure what kind of commitment is required but have always wanted to check that out. They have been in Haiti working since about a week after the earthquake I believe. Anyway....who knows what's on the horizon, but God! And He's not tipping His hand just yet.

Life on the Roller Coaster and other things that make you want to hurl

I've haven't felt stress in my body like this since Brad went into rehab. I'm not sure what it is....if it's the packing, the release of sentimental possessions I never thought I'd get rid of, the weekly ups and downs of the buyers problems with paperwork, that keep us from closing, Brad being gone and not having the support I need in all this, what? I've closed down my business...cried rivers over my clients, some whom have become real friends over the years. Lost all security in jobs, paychecks, invested it in the One I can not see, but have faith in. It's all such a new place to be standing in. It's one thing to say we have faith, it's another to step into that reality without the safety net of paychecks, 401k's, and home. I really started to choke on it all this week. A kind of "WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!??", moment. Couldn't sleep....adrenaline coursing through my body day and night. Anxiety. The friends with the cash offer is not going to happen, so I'm back to waiting on the buyers to finish, which will now take another 30 days. I'm just going to have to put my money where my mouth is, and have faith, keep packing and move to KC whether it closes or not, and trust that God has it in control. It's out of my control which tells me it's God's problem, not mine. The Lord gave a women at church a word for me this morning. I went to the alter to pray, and she came to meet me saying she was waiting for me to come forward, God had already given it to her. She didn't know what was going on with my life, but the word from the Lord was "Trust me. You have given me everything, now trust me." She saw an image of me cleaning out my closets. She laughed and said I'm probably doing that in the natural, but it had more spiritual meaning, than than that.
I thought of that...and it's true. God is opening the dusty doors of my heart, places I've refused to go, things I've refused to give, and cleaning house. It's painful yet refreshing at the same time. You know how it feels to have a home spring cleaned, purging out the old dusty stuff. Except right now I'm covered in cobwebs, dirt, and still in process, so am not quite to the exhilaration yet, but can see it coming.
I had prayed on the way to church, and told the Lord I needed a word from Him today. Then I thought, why do I need that? It's more faithlessness....He has already spoken, I'm just not leaning on it. So I amended my prayer saying, but if You don't give me a word, I am making a decision to trust. I don't feel it. I don't feel the rest in my spirit that trusts produces, it's just not there, but I choose to trust.
And He met me at the altar with that sweet word and encouragement. I still don't "feel" it. But it's ok. I know that too will change, maybe tomorrow, maybe a week or month from now. I'm just going to try and put my hands up and ride the coaster. And try not to hurl.

Word for the Day...flexability

Okay, I no longer have to worry about not liking something....it changes every 15- 20 minutes around here. There is a new issue with our buyer. They are nice people but 4 months to complete a contract is a bit much. I have someone though, that would like to make a cash offer tomorrow!(which is when their contract and it's 1st extension expires) If it's a good one, I should be out of here by June
25th. I'm continuing, in faith, to pack. We also each received scholarships from Brad's union, for $600 each! The second half of our training is guess how much???? Correct. $600 each!
Isn't God amazing?